


Never Knew About You

by Naomida



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Foster Family, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Charles in a Wheelchair, Gen, I basically wrote that because Hilly wouldn't leave me alone, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mentions of Cancer, Multi, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Underage - Freeform, an AU of my AU, lot of sobbing, may become part of a series, nothing happens don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-19
Updated: 2015-06-19
Packaged: 2018-04-05 03:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4164483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naomida/pseuds/Naomida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hilly was just a normal teenager with normal teenager problems like : PTSD, Not going to school, having a crush on a dying man too old for her, finding out that she had a secret sibling, choosing which color to dye her hair, all that jazz. Who would have thought that asking a random guy for direction would turn into an epic quest of not-telling-her-secrets, trying-to-hide-her-panic-attacks and not-kissing-that-guy-she-really-wanted-to-kiss ?<br/>Thank god for Erik and Charles, the ever helping foster-dudes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Knew About You

“Excuse me?”

Peter looked up from his Stark-phone, not expecting that someone on this side of the tower would talk to him, and was surprised to see a girl with electric blue hair – and cute bangs. She was tall for a girl, even if she only reached his chin, and there was something about her green eyes that pulled Peter closer, hypnotizing him, making him want to know everything about her.

“Waoh.” he said before he could stop himself and she smirked a little.

“Waoh indeed. Do I know you?”

“I don't think so… I would remember the blue hair.”

She laughed, the sound so familiar, it twisted something deep inside Peter's core.

“Anyway,” she said once she was calm again, “I'm kinda lost. You see I was with this uh… visiting group, and I had to use the restroom and didn't want to tell them because let's be honest, this visit is totally lame, so I sneaked out but now I have no idea where everyone is and they made us turn off our phone when the visit started so nobody is answering me.”

Peter wondered what she meant by lame, and what school she was going to that was visiting the Tower that day – he doubted she was going to college like him since she looked his age and not all fifteen years old did, and that weirdly disappointed him.

“Where were you in the visit when you lost them?”

“I don't know, we were looking at complicated holograms. I didn't really pay attention. There was this dude who kept on staring at me so I was making ugly faces at him.”

“Okay… it's gonna be complicated cause there are holograms everywhere. Maybe you remember the floor?”

“This one, and I looked at every room I could enter but they weren't there.”

“I think they may be in the hall in that case cause this floor is the last one seen during the visit.”

“Oh thank god, I have so many other interesting things to do!”

That made Peter smile. He didn't really understand the affection he was feeling toward this girl who apparently hated what he loved, but her smile was enough to make him feel like he belonged, like he had found his home – it was a feeling that he had never felt, even if he loved his parents dearly.

They walked to the closest elevator – or Peter walked and she followed because she really looked lost – and Peter couldn't help but want to know more about her.

“So...” he started, trying to find something to say that didn't sound dumb. “I'm Peter.”

“I'm Hilly,” she replied, smiling, “do you work here?”

“Oh no, I live here… don't you know me?”

She shook her head.

“Should I?”

“Well, this morning again my face was the first thing I saw when I turned my tv on.”

“Yeah, I don't watch tv so...”

“Seriously? Why?”

“Cause there wasn't a tv where I used to live, so even if now I could watch it if I wanted, I don't feel the need to. Radio is enough.”

“Waoh, now that's interesting, you're the first person I know who has ever said that.”

“I know I'm unique.” she smiled as the elevator's doors finally opened in front of them.

They entered it and Peter pressed the button to the first floor.

“So if you live here does that mean...” started Hilly but she stopped halfway through her sentence, a look of horror crossing her face, “oh crap. You're the Stark-Rogers kid, right? I never know if his name is Philippe or Peter, but I guess I have my answer now, right? Shit, I said the visit in your building is lame, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay.” laughed Peter.

“No, I mean it, I'm sorry!”

She looked really distressed and, without even thinking about his actions, Peter reached and grabbed her left hand, squeezing it gently while sending her a smile.

“Really, it's okay.”

She nodded and unexpectedly squeezed his hand back.

They stayed in silence for a while, and even if Peter knew that this elevator was the fastest one in the world, he still felt like an eternity had passed before Hilly spoke again.

“Why do I feel like I know you?”

“I don't know, but I feel the same even if I'm sure it's the first time we meet. I would have remembered you.”

“Yeah, I would have remembered you too.”

The elevator stopped and its doors opened to the big hall of the Stark Tower. They stepped out together, still holding hands, and Hilly walked to a very small group of teenagers accompanied by two men – one looked ready to kill and the other one smiled gently when he saw the two of them before rolling his wheelchair in their direction.

“There you are! We were starting to grow worried.”

“Sorry, I had to go to the restroom.”

The other man crossed the hall in big strides to join them too and glared at their hands before meeting Hilly's gaze.

“Hilly.” he said, tone stern.

“Erik.” she said back, sounding bored. “Can we go now? Today's Wednesday...”

She didn't finish her sentence but the two men seemed to understand what she was talking about because they both nodded and while Erik turned around and walked back to the group of teenagers, the other one smiled up at Peter.

“Hi, you must be Peter Stark-Rogers,” he said, beaming, “I'm Charles, nice to meet you.”

Peter had to let go of Hilly's hand to shake his and to his surprised she immediately reached inside her pocket to take out the oldest phone Peter had ever seen.

“Gimme your number.” she ordered.

He complied without having to be told twice and said his goodbye to the two of them, watching them leave the Tower with the rest of the group with a pang of emotion.

 

 

***

 

 

“I met a girl today.” announced Peter during diner, too excited to keep it to himself.

Tony raised an eyebrow but stayed focused on his beans while Steve looked up, surprised.

“Do I have to remind you that you have a girlfriend?” asked Tony. “You might wanna tell her before doing anything else with the other girl.”

“I don't want to do anything with her, and her name is Hilly. I just… I feel like I know her, you know, and she felt the same too. It was amazing to talk to her.”

“Did you stutter, like you always do when you talk to girls? Cause I swear you trying to talk to Pepper's PA will never not be hilarious.”

“Tony...” said Steve, frowning a little at his husband, “don't make fun of him, I was like that too.”

“Yeah, and then you became the hottest guy in the world, which made it even more adorable.”

Steve blushed crimson red and Peter rolled his eyes as his fathers exchanged a very long look.

“So, can we go back to me?”

“Yes of course, sorry.” said Steve, still red as he turned back to his plate, trying to hide a smile.

Tony didn't have that much restraint and proudly grinned to Peter.

“So, how is she like?” he asked when it was clear that Steve wouldn't stop looking at his beans.

“She has blue hair and green eyes.”

That got his other father's attention.

“What?”

“Man, she's probably awesome!”

“Tony! She has blue hair?”

“It suits her, weirdly.” added Peter.

“Wh _at_?!”

“Come on Steve, it suits her, let it go.”

Peter groaned, because he knew now that his fathers wouldn't stop teasing him until he left the living-room to let them finish what they had started when they had stared at the other.

“I'm going to my bedroom dads.” he announced, even if they weren't paying any attention to him anymore.

He wondered if looking for her facebook would be weird, then decided that he did not care and would do that this evening.

 

 

***

 

 

Peter didn't have any classes on Thursday and he was bored out of his mind. It had been a week since he met Hilly and after long hours of searches around the internet, he had found nothing – not a single twitter account, not a single facebook profile, nothing. They had texted but Peter really wanted to see her, to talk to her and without even realizing what he was doing, he called her.

By the time his brain understood what was happening and he started to panic, she was picking up.

“Yeah?” she asked, and there was a lot of noise behind her.

“Hey hm, are you busy today? Cause I'm not and I thought that maybe we could hang out.”

“I have this one thing to do right before lunch,” she started to say but stopped as a shout could be heard, “shit, come back here!” she called, followed by muffled cursing. “Sorry,” she then said to him, “I'm in the middle of trying to feed a baby. But anyway, I have to go somewhere around 11 but you can come with me if you want, it'll only lasts forty five minutes top. Then we can do something.”

“I know this great hot dog cart.”

“Great, meet me in an hour ? I'll text you where I'll be waiting for you, okay?”

“Yes, great!”

She ended the call before he could say anything else, but Peter was still smiling.

 

 

***

 

 

Her hair was still blue and her eyes were still trying to tell him something – it was all in their color and Peter knew that he was going to find out what it was, one way or another – and she was wearing heels that day, with skinny black jeans and a blouse one tint darker than her hair.

She looked gorgeous and he wondered if she thought that it was a date. He hoped not, he really didn't want to make out with her, just hold her hand, strangely.

“So, where are we going?” he asked after spending twenty minutes walking.

“We're almost there and I'm afraid if I tell you you're gonna be scared and run away.”

“Unless you bring me to a tattoo parlor, I don't see why I'd be scared.”

They turned around the corner of the street, and Peter understood what she had meant.

“Are you sick?” he asked as they crossed the hospital's parking lot.

“No, but I'm visiting someone. I usually come on Wednesdays but I was busy yesterday and he's probably wondering what is going on.”

Peter nodded, wondering if she was visiting a parent or a friend and feeling happy that she trusted him enough to bring him with her.

Inside the hospital she didn't ask anyone for direction and some nurses even saluted her as she walked down long hallways that all looked the same and smelled like disinfectant. She stopped in front of a door and turned to him, asking him how she looked (“Pretty.”, “Are you sure?”, “Yep.”), before taking a deep breath and knocking three times on the door and opening it.

“Hey, you missed me?” she asked, slowly taking a step inside the room. “I know you did, so I brought someone along with me today, I hope it's okay. I know you need friends.”

“Fuck off, you know I don't want friends!” replied a male voice, deep and rough.

“I also brought the book, so I can read it with you again.”

The man inside the room groaned, making Hilly chuckle as she finally fully stepped into the room, allowing Peter to do the same.

“Peter, this is Wade. Wade, Peter.” she said without looking at either of them.

She grabbed a chair that was in a corner of the room and dragged it so it was standing two feet away from the bed before gesturing to Peter to sit there as she climbed on the bed, sitting next to the man's hip.

And what a man.

He had the largest shoulders and bluest eyes Peter had ever seen. He was wearing a red cap that did nothing to hide the fact that he had neither eyebrows nor eyelashes and his cheeks were hollowed. Coupled with his pallid face and the big circles under his eyes, there was no doubt that this man, Wade, was very sick. And annoyed if the way he was looking at Hilly was anything to go by.

“I don't want you to read this damn book. The story is creepy and you could be way smoother with your weird attempts at wooing or whatever it is you're trying to do.” he was saying as Peter took his seat.

“Please. This is a classic, I can't believe you never read Lolita.”

“Do I look like the reading type?”

She shrugged before opening her shoulder bag and rummaging through it.

Wade sighed, letting his head fall back against his pillow, closing his eyes for a second, before he turned his head to look at Peter.

“How did you get dragged here?” he asked.

“I uh… I just wanted to hang out. She said she had something to do but I never thought it would… I'm sorry, I didn't know we were going here.”

“I'm the one sorry for you. At least in the hospital she can't bother me twenty-four seven. How are you surviving Hurricane Hilly?”

“Stop being mean Wade.” replied Hilly, not looking up from her bag. “Aha! There it is!”

She proudly took a chap stick out of her bag and handed it to him, smiling.

“As you asked, nude but strawberry scented.”

“I never asked for that.”

“Maybe it was Logan who asked me to buy it for you, but anyway, you need it, so take it.”

Wade didn't move so she put it on the nightstand, right next to an empty vase and a framed picture of a taco.

“Is that a taco?” asked Peter.

“Yes.” replied Wade without looking at him, still glaring at Hilly instead.

“His one and only love. Whatever.” she muttered, taking a book out of her bag. “Reading time. I hope you remember where we stopped last time.”

“At the part where the creepy pedophile fantasied about the girl's legs. Seriously, I don't want to hear that story.”

“Good,” she said, smiling, “cause I brought another book and you'll like it.”

The book she had happened to be The Playbook and she read it from cover to cover, using different voices depending on what part she was reading. By the time she was finished, Peter's abs and cheeks were hurting from laughing and Wade couldn't hide his smile.

“So, did you like this book?” she asked to Wade, eyes shinning.

Peter looked as her left hand stopped clutching the book and slowly settled down on the bed, right next to Wade's hand.

“Please it's Barney Stinson, you know I can only like it.”

Her pinky finger brushed against his and he moved his hand away but that didn't seem to discourage her as her smile grew bigger.

“You gotta admit that I'm a tremendous reader.”

He rolled his eyes and Peter mumbled a hasty excuse to get out before almost running out of the room. He had no idea what was going on between those two but he had a feeling that what they were doing right this moment was personal and should stay between them – even if it was just smiling at each other and pretending that they didn't care about the other.

Inside the room, Hilly looked at the closing door before turning her attention back to Wade who was staring at her with his blue eyes that always made her heart miss a beat.

“So who is this guy anyway?”

“A friend. We met last week but we have this weird connection. It's like we've known each other for ever.”

“Really?”

She smiled – who would have thought that Wade could be jealous?

“Don't worry, he's got nothing on you. I don't see him that way and even if I did, you'd still be my first choice.”

“Look Hilly, you're just a kid so you gotta stop that.”

“I'm not a kid.”

“You're twelve.” he deadpanned.

“I'm fifteen!”

“I'm still twice as old as you are!”

Hilly sighed, shoulders slumping.

“Whatever.” she said, jumping off the bed and shouldering her bag. “See you next week?” she asked, putting the book back in her bag so she did not have to look at his face.

“If you insist on coming...” he mumbled.

She looked up at that, meeting his gaze with sad but intense green eyes.

“If you really don't want to see me ever again, say it and I'm out of your life.” she said, sounding determined despite the fact that she was biting down her lower lip and twisting her fingers.

“I… You know Logan would kill me if I did that.”

In a second, it was like all tension was drawn out of her body and she managed a tiny smile.

“Okay, alright… Logan would kill you, and you don't want that.” she repeated.

“No I don't.”

“Good.”

And without letting him time to react, she grabbed his face and loudly kissed him on the cheek before turning around and walking to the door.

“See you next Wednesday then!” she said, turning around to smile broadly at him before leaving his room.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly had a small dreamy smile that wouldn't leave her lips even as she was chewing on her third hotdog – Peter was impressed, it was the first time a girl could eat as much as him.

“So, you and Wade?” he asked.

She bit her lip, her smile widening just a little.

“He's great, right? I really like him but everyone thinks that it's stupid.”

“It's not. I mean, you don't choose who you like, right?”

“Exactly! Like, the age-gap isn't my fault, I didn't ask for it! And the fact that he's sick makes it even worse. I swear I had The Talk at least six times already.”

“The Talk?” asked Peter.

“Yeah,” she replied, turning on the bench to face him, “the 'look, you're young and you probably don't think it can happen but he's probably gonna die so stop seeing him'. It's the worse, as if I didn't know already that he's probably dying.”

She blinked away sudden tears and Peter grabbed her hand that wasn't holding a hotdog without thinking, rubbing his thumb on the back of it.

“How did you meet him?” he asked softly.

“Ten months ago I moved in here and hated it. Everyone was trying too hard to pretend that I belonged even if we all knew that it wasn't true and after a week Charles came up with this idea. He has a friend, Logan, who's a nurse in charge of a program at the hospital. Basically they force troubled teens to hang out with old and/or sick people once a week. So they dragged me to the hospital on a Wednesday afternoon and told me to find someone to talk to.”

She stopped, looking down at her hotdog with a very small nostalgic smile.

“Wade was brooding the whole time and no one dared approaching him because he was very scary, so I sat next to him.”

“So no one would talk to you?”

“Exactly.” she smiled up at him before turning back to her hotdog and memories. “Apparently, even just sitting next to him annoyed him so he told me to, and I quote, 'get the fuck away kiddo'. I kinda wanted to insult him, because what the fuck ? I just wanted some peace, but then I saw his eyes and… and I was done. I started talking to him, just to piss him off so he would look at me and I don't know how but we became a thing – like, not friends but… something.”

Sighing, she took a bite at her hotdog and chewed slowly.

“The problem is, I think he hates me more than he likes me.”

“I don't think he would let you visit him every week if he really hated you.”

She shrugged and they stopped talking about it.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly woke up from a nightmare with Erik's hands holding her shoulders down and Charles on the other side of the bedroom, holding a crying Jean against his chest as he looked worriedly at her.

“Hilly?” he called softly, “It's okay, no one is going to hurt you. Do you know where you are?”

Blinking, she tried to punch Erik with her left hand while reaching under her pillow for her knife with her right hand. There was nothing under the pillow, which made her panic and she kicked as hard as she could, trying to get this man standing over her away.

“Hilly please it's us, you're okay, we don't want to hurt you Hilly.”

The man hovering took several steps back when she managed to kick him in the leg and she brutally sat up, panting and unable to find something in the bed to defend herself.

 _Think, what could you use?_ The nightstand was empty except for a bottle of water but it would take her too long to reach for it. _My nails, my hands, maybe the pillow_. Anything was good, she didn't need to kill him, just to slow him down so she could escape – _but where_? There was someone blocking the door – _he never had someone helping him, why start now?_ – so the window would be her only chance. Like the first time. If she was lucky, she wouldn't break both her legs this time.

“Hilly!” shouted a voice, different than the first one, just as she grabbed the pillow, swung it at his face and jumped to the window.

 _Damn it_ , it was closed and her shaking fingers were of no use. She was hyperventilating, sobbing while she prayed out loud to get out alive (“ _God please let me go, please please please please please!_ ”) and when a man wrapped his arms around her and tried to get her back to her bed, she lost it.

“No let go!!” she shouted, kicking around and trying to grab for something, anything that would prevent him from taking her to bed, “Don't touch me! Don't do this! Please don't hurt me!”

Sobbing harder than before, even the adrenaline pulsing through her veins wasn't enough to stop him from crossing the room, sitting on the bed and wrapping both his arms around her as she sat on his knees, trying to scratch his neck or his chest.

“Please I am so sorry,” she sobbed, “I am so sorry, I swear I won't do it again, please don't hurt me.”

“I'm not going to hurt you.” whispered the man, his chest vibrating against her when he spoke.

She shook her head. He was lying, he always lied and said that.

“Hilly I swear, I don't want to hurt you and I am never going to.” he promised – _he was lying_ – before reaching with a hand to pet her hair.

She whimpered and curled up into a ball when his hand touched her and he immediately stop.

“Sorry, I forgot, not your hair. I'm sorry Hilly. I don't want to hurt you, I promise.”

It took forty minutes for her panic attack to stop and for her to realize where she was. She blinked up at Erik, still crying, to see tears on his cheeks too as he smiled tenderly down at her.

“There you are.”

“Erik? What… Did I hurt you?”

He shook his head but she could see blood on his neck and there was something under her nails – probably his skin.

“G–Get away from me! I don't want to hurt you more!”

He hugged her closer instead, tucking her head under his chin as he rocked from side to side.

“I know what it's like to be so scared that you hurt people without meaning to, don't worry about me.”

“Where is Charles? There was someone else, I guess it was him.”

“He took Jean away when you tried to get out using the window. He's probably making sure that everyone is tucked into bed and sleeping now.”

She nodded, feeling miserable and like she didn't deserve any of this – the hug, the understanding, the warmth – but Erik wasn't going to let her go, she knew that for a fact.

When Charles rolled back into the bedroom without Jean, he looked sad and it felt like a dagger in Hilly's heart. She didn't want him to worry over her, he already had Erik, his sister and five other kids that were _theirs,_ unlike her.

“I'm so sorry Charles.” she immediately apologized.

“I already told you that you don't have to apologize for hurting Hilly. You didn't do anything wrong. How do you feel?”

She shrugged a shoulder. It always made her uncomfortable how understanding and nice he was. At least with Erik you couldn't see on his face that he only wanted your happiness – with Charles it was written all over his person.

“Do you want something hot to drink? Maybe a tea?”

She shook her head.

“I'd like to sleep.” she said.

“Sleep it is then.” smiled Charles, rolling closer to the bed.

Hilly expected Erik to let her go so she could lay down, then they'd tuck her into bed, say goodnight and go. Instead, Charles transported himself to the bed and laid down against the wall before Erik gestured for her to lay next to him so he'd be on her other side.

“Are you sure?” she asked, shivering under the cover despite the warmth they both emitted. “If I have another nightmare I could hurt you for real.”

“Don't worry.” smiled Charles, “If you kick I won't feel it.”

Erik snorted and Hilly blushed, wondering if it would be polite to laugh or on the contrary if he would take it the wrong way if she didn't react.

“She didn't like your joke Charles.” commented Erik. “Don't worry Hilly, he says this one all the time.”

“Oh.” was her only answer.

She felt Erik move a little behind her before he wrapped an arm around her and Charles.

“Good night,” he announced, “and Charles, we'll talk about your terrible sense of humor tomorrow.”

“Alright my friend. Good night.”

“Good night.” whispered Hilly back.

She wondered why they hadn't thrown her out already and fell asleep before her brain could elaborate twisted scenarios.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly couldn't face anyone the next morning so she sneaked out of Erik and Charles' arms when she woke up a little after dawn, took a quick shower and left without eating breakfast. Her stomach was still in twists after what had happened the night before and she was feeling nauseous.

Her problem, once she was safely walking down New York's streets, was that she had nowhere to go and no friend to call – she didn't know what Peter and her were, it felt like they were more than friends but she might be wrong since she never had friends before.

Her feet took her to the hospital.

“Hilly, hi!” smiled the nurse at the front desk, smiling brightly, “you know that visiting hours don't start before nine, right?”

“I'm here to see Logan today.” she said, faking a polite smile as the nurse told her where to find him.

He was sulking, leaning against a wall with a cup of coffee in his hand on the same floor as Wade's room.

“Hey.” said Hilly, coming next to him to lean against the wall too.

“Isn't it a little early?”

“I didn't sleep well.”

“Nightmares?”

She nodded.

Erik and Charles didn't know about it but Hilly had met Logan once, before they became her foster parents. It was the night of the incident, he had been the nurse taking care of her and she was grateful that he never talked about that night. It was something she really didn't want to think of.

“Do you still insist on not seeing any doctor?”

“You know how I feel about talking about my feelings to people, especially after...”

She stopped talking. Not thinking about it – it was easy, breathe in slowly, and breathe out fully.

Logan was staring at her.

“Maybe we shouldn't be talking about it.” he said and she nodded, glad that he wasn't going to insist. It was why she liked him. “It's a good thing you're here, cause I really wanted to talk to you about Wade.”

“He's okay, right?” she asked straightaway.

“Yeah, but he told me that you kissed him on the cheek.”

“Did he?” she smiled, pleasantly surprised. “Did he tell you how he felt about it too?”

Glaring, Logan groaned and took a long sip at his coffee.

“Hilly, he's twenty-six and you are fifteen. Even if he wanted to date you he couldn't.”

“Seriously? That's awesome, he told me that he was thirty!”

“No it's not. It's still illegal.”

“Come on, it's not like I'm gonna tell the police if he wants to date me. _I_ want him to date me!”

“But he's not going to. At least not while you're underage.”

“If I told you that my birthday is in two months, would it change your mind?”

“Not at all.”

Hilly pouted, feeling dejected.

“This is so unfair! If it was the ninetieth century no one would care! It would even seem normal for us to be together!”

“If it was the ninetieth century he would be dead and you would be a prostitute, not a brat bothering me while I'm working.”

“Fuck you.”

He smiled at her.

Something beeped at the nurse desk and he left her alone to sulk while he looked at what was happening.

“Funny, it's your beau. Maybe you wanna talk to him before we take him away for his tests?”

Hilly looked hopefully at him.

“He's awake?”

“Yeah, that guy never sleeps.”

Smiling, she didn't wait for Logan to walk down the hallway. Wade's room wasn't far and when she knocked on his door, she got an “enter !!” that she had never received during her numerous visits.

“Hey.” she smiled, feeling suddenly shy.

He jumped and turned his head to look at her, looking surprised. He was sitting in his bed, with his legs dangling over the edge, and it was the first time in four months she saw him like that and not laying down, barely strong enough to listen to her talk for longer than an hour.

“What are you doing here?” he asked.

“I had a terrible night and came to talk to Logan. He… he said that you're awake and that I could come and say hello if I wanted.”

She took small steps toward the bed, feeling stupid and suddenly self-conscious – her eyes were red, puffy and her hair was probably a mess – but he had a bandage wrapped around his head and she wanted to know what had happened.

“What's up with the turban?” she asked once in front of him.

Her heart missed a beat because like that he was almost as tall as when he was standing and she had missed looking up to talk to him.

“Nothing, don't worry.”

It was a stupid thing to say. How could she not worry when he had terminal brain cancer? He was already bald when they had met but she had seen him become thinner and weaker through the months and worrying about him was a constant in her life now.

“Right. So… I heard that you're telling people I kissed you on the cheek?”

He didn't react, just stared at her, and she started to panic.

“I mean… you know, it's just… Logan started talking about it but that's stupid and, like, he's just Logan so we probably shouldn't listen to what he says.” she tried to backpedal, anxiously twisting the end of her too long sleeves. “But you're not saying anything so obviously you don't care about that… about what Logan says and it's good because it's just bullshit and no one should listen to him, ever. I'm gonna stop talking now. And I probably should go.”

Before she could fly out of the room he grabbed her left arm and pulled her closer.

She stopped breathing when she felt his knees brush against her hips as he lead her between his legs and closer to his chest. Damn, she really wanted to wrap her arms around his waist and just stay here, with her face against his neck. He was thin compared to when she had met him but he was still bulkier than Peter, and she wondered if maybe he was hiding remains of his six pack under his red pajama.

“What happened to your face?” he asked, leaning over her to take a closer look. “Did someone attack you with a razor?”

“No I...”

She had completely forgotten about the scratch marks on the left side of her face. That was one of the many downsides of a mental breakdown: she was so unstable that she spent most of her time hurting herself.

“I had a long night.”

“Am I supposed to worry?” he asked.

She frowned. What was that supposed to mean?

“You don't have to.” she replied.

He sighed, shaking his head slowly, before wrapping both of his arms around her shoulders and hugging her close.

She didn't hesitate, closing her eyes and hugging him back. He was too tall for her chin to reach his shoulder so she pressed her nose against his collarbone, breathing in his scent, and snuggled up to him. It was heaven. It was better than she had dreamed it would be. He smelled so good. He _felt_ so good. And if his pecks and back were anything to go by, he did still have some abs.

“There's something I need to tell you.” he murmured directly into her ear, making her shiver.

Her heart jumped in her chest and when she tried to look up at him he hugged her tighter, preventing her from moving. She should have been scared, especially after the night she had had, but it was Wade and she had literally _dreamed_ of it.

“I...”

Biting her lips, Hilly prayed that he was going to tell her that he loved her.

“Hilly, I… I'm...”

“Say it.” she murmured – followed by a smile because it gave him goosebumps.

“Alright. I'm sorry but I need you to stop coming. This is the last time we see each other.”

“What?!”

She took a step back, tearing herself away from his embrace, heart beating wildly and blood roaring to her ears. His arms fell limply on his legs – _it's because he was holding her just a second before_ – but he looked completely blank.

“What do you mean?” she asked, voice rising – he _couldn't_.

“I don't want to see you anymore. This little friendship thing was fun while it lasted but now it's over.”

“Is… is it because I kissed your cheek? Cause I swear I will never do it again. I will never touch you, or sit on your bed, or make fun of you again. I swear. I won't even talk to you if you want. Just please, please let me see you.”

“No. Sorry but we can't see each other.”

“No wait, please I… I...”

Tearing up, a lump in the throat that made talking and breathing difficult, she tried to breathe in deeply to calm herself and found out that she couldn't.

“Oh my god...” she said, choking up, and took two steps backs, her eyes not leaving his. “Wade please don't...”

“Hilly, are you okay? Can you breathe?”

She shook her head, feeling the panic attack take over her and she fell on her knees, everything fading to white noises except the sound of her heart beating erratically.

Strong arms grabbed her, one going around her shoulders while the other went under her knees and she was swept off the ground and taken away from this room and Wade's blue eyes who were still looking at her, afraid.

By the time she could breathe normally again, Logan had pressed a warm cup of something light-brown in her hand and was rubbing slow circles on her back as they both sat on chairs in what looked like a break room.

“You know you can get something for the anxiety and panic attacks.”

“I don't like drugs.”

“I know, and I understand, but that would make your life easier.”

“You say that like I get panic attacks all the time.” she cleared her throat – who would have thought that hyperventilating would hurt so much – and took a sip of the latte she had been given. Or at least she guessed that it was a latte.

“So you know what triggered it?”

“Yeah...”

She closed her eyes, feeling like the stupidest girl on Earth, and took another sip.

“Are you gonna tell me?”

“He doesn't want to see me again. Ever.”

“Who, Wade?”

“Yep.”

Taking a sip, she glanced at Logan who was frowning.

“I can't do anything against that.”

“No you can't. But I guess I should have seen that coming. You were right and so were Charles and Erik.”

“Do… do you know why?”

“Why what?”

“Why he doesn't want to see you.”

She shrugged.

“Because he hates me? Cause I'm a fucked up brat who's annoying him? All he said is that he's sorry but we can't see each other. That we were nice while we lasted but now it's over.”

“Maybe you should talk to him about it.”

“Absolutely not.” she said, firm, shaking her head. “I just made an ass of myself, and he didn't want to see me anymore before that, there's no way I'm facing him again. No.”

“But–”

“Please Logan.” she cut him.

“Fine.” he sighed, clearly not happy with it. “But just so you know, he's a dumbass. Now, my shift ended, you want me to drive you home?”

“Yeah please.”

 

 

_***_

 

 

When Peter called Hilly, he didn't expect her to sound so relieved.

“Today is terrible and I have nothing to do to keep my mind off of things.” she told him.

“You wanna come over? I'm alone, well I think, but even if my dads were here we wouldn't know.”

“That must be so cool to be rich.” she sighed, making him laugh. “I'll be there in twenty minutes okay?”

“See you!”

He waited for her in the hall and when she actually arrived, it was a shock. Her eyes were puffy and red, she had red scratches marks on the side of her face and looked like she had been crying.

“Hey.” she said.

Peter engulfed her into a hug.

“If you hug me I'm going to cry again.” she informed him.

“Let's go up then, crying on a king-sized bed will help you feel better.”

It got a tiny smile out of her but they stayed silent the whole way up.

It was only once she was sitting next to him in the middle of his bed, turned to the giant window that let them see New York spread at their feet that words tumbled out of her as tears started to steam down her face. She told him about Wade and Logan, about having panic attacks, about being afraid that Charles and Erik would stop being patient with her and that they would take her back to the orphanage, like so many people before.

“How many foster homes did live in?”

“I don't know, ten, maybe twelve.” she shrugged. “I got adopted once, but it didn't end well.”

Peter frowned, looking closely at her eyes. They were shiny and red because of the tears, bringing out the tiny brown touches in them and once again, he felt that there was something he wasn't seeing.

“Do you want to get adopted by Charles and Erik?” he then said, not even knowing why he was asking such a personal question and if Hilly was even okay with it.

She shrugged.

“I don't know. They're too good for me and their life is kinda perfect so I don't want to fuck that up but at the same time I'm selfish and really don't want to go back to the orphanage. I like them you know, even if Charles is way too nice for this world.”

“How about Erik?”

She shrugged once again and leaned against his side, putting her head on his shoulder.

“Erik is… edgy? I don't know how to describe it but I know he went through the same shit as me and came out strong. He's kind of a role-model. I hope I can be like him one day.”

Peter smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You know if you ever get a panic attack while you're alone, you can call me. My dad used to have those all of the time after he was kidnapped in Afghanistan so I can handle it.”

Hilly nodded, her hair tickling his jaw, and when she looked up at him, Peter got hit by a sudden realization.

“Oh my gosh.” he breathed, feeling giddy and dreadful at the same time – his thoughts were running so fast and wildly, he wasn't really sure he was really feeling that. “I think I know where I saw your eyes before.”

“Really?” she asked.

She looked mildly curious but he couldn't stop grinning as he took her hand, got up and pulled her after him.

“Put my glasses on and push your bangs away!” he said, excited, while he lead her to the mirror in his adjacent bathroom.

“What? Why?”

“Cause I think I just realized something so stupid, we're gonna laugh about it for the rest of our life if my instincts are right.”

She frowned but did as he said once they were in front of the mirror and judging from the face she was making – eyes wide open as the rest of her body didn't move at all – Peter guessed that she was seeing what he had just saw.

“Oh my god, that's impossible. It's… it's just a coincidence, that can't be possible.”

“I don't think so. I mean, when is your birthday? I bet it's on the 22nd of May.”

She nodded and finally stopped gaping at her own face to look at him through the mirror. He was standing next to her and had her hair been brown like his, they would have looked exactly the same.

It was like she was a female version of him. Or he was a male version of her.

It was like they were twins.

 

 

***

 

 

“It doesn't make any sense!” whispered Hilly – loudly.

“Actually it could.” replied Peter, speaking normally. “I mean I was born in New York just like you, we have the same birthday, the same _face_.”

Hilly rolled her eyes. They were in Tony Stark's study and even if Peter had said that his father never used this room except to keep important papers, she felt very awkward. It was like invading Mr. Stark's privacy.

“I bet it's there.” muttered Peter to himself, opening a tiny drawer that contained nothing but a folder labeled 'Peter P.' with the second P crossed. “Hey, what's your last name?” he asked, grabbing the folder, closing the drawer before putting the folder on the desk and flipping it open.

“Parker.”

“It was mine too before my dads adopted me.” he replied, frowning down at the folder.

“Look Peter, maybe we shouldn't do it.”

“No it's fine.”

He made a vague movement with his hand that could have meant anything and just as Hilly opened her mouth to tell him that she really didn't felt like looking through his fathers' papers, someone talked from the doorway.

“What are you doing?”

Jumping, both Peter and Hilly whipped around to face a tall and large blond man.

It was Steve Rogers, even without watching tv Hilly knew who he was. When she was ten and living in Brooklyn, there was a girl in the same foster family as her, Nancy, who was crazy about him – she used to call him the best man ever and had announced that she was going to marry him.

Hilly had never known what had happened to Nancy after their foster 'mom' had been imprisoned for child labor.

“Dad.” said Peter, sounding mostly surprised but slightly edging on panicked – like he wasn't sure how to react.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

Steve Rogers was scary. Or at least Hilly was scared and there was no going out of the window when you were in the penthouse on the last floor of one of the tallest building of NYC. Crap. Maybe she could try and make a run for it. She'd have the element of surprise. Maybe.

Could she outrun a veteran turned professional baseball player?

“We're looking for papers about my adoption.”

“You know that if you have questions we'll gladly answer them. Why look with your friend when no one is here?”

Steve Rogers' gaze turned to Hilly for a second and she stepped closer to Peter without realizing it.

“Don't be mad at her she didn't want to do it. And before you ask I forced her to look with me because it may be about her.”

Rogers raised an eyebrow and Hilly wondered how Peter wasn't scared. If she wasn't shaking and having another nervous breakdown right this moment it was only thanks to Charles and Erik's efforts to help her not flinch whenever a father figure was in the same room as her.

“Peter, maybe I should go...” she whispered, grabbing the end of his sleeve and gripping it to anchor herself.

“No it's okay.” he told her before turning to the other man in the room, “Dad, I know it's gonna sound crazy but did I have a sister when you and dad adopted me?”

“What?”

Rogers fully stepped into the room, frowning in confusion.

“Why would you...”

He trailed off, his eyes turning to Hilly, and squinted at her.

“Oh.”

Hilly felt her insides knotting up, twisting and twisting. She was feeling light-headed and knew that if he got any closer, she'd start having trouble breathing.

“Look Peter,” she started, taking her phone out of her back pocket, “I… I'm sorry but I need to go, I'm really bad with uh… dads.”

“What?” he asked.

“Are you okay?” asked Rogers at the same time, taking a step in her direction.

She took two steps back and bumped into shelves behind her.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Just, please don't come any closer. I'm very sorry but I can't help it. I… I need to call Erik, I'll be better after I talk to him.”

“Of course.” immediately said Peter, understanding flashing in his eyes.

He took the folder, gently pried her fingers away from his sleeve and with one last encouraging smile, grabbed his father and left the room.

Sighing, Hilly slid down the shelves until she was sitting on the floor, eyes closed and phone pressed to her ear.

“Lensherr.” said Erik when he picked up his phone.

“Hey, I saw a friend's dad and started to panic.”

“You have a friend?” he asked, sounding surprised, and she scoffed.

“I know, it's weird right?”

“Weirder things have happened, but yes, it's odd.”

“Give me an example of something weirder than that.”

“I married Charles.”

“That's not weird that's like… a whole new level.”

Erik snorted and Hilly smiled softly. This man had been through hell and back and still managed to have a healthy relationship with the nicest man of the continent, several children _and_ time to pull her out of a panic attack.

“You can face your friend's father. Nothing will happen to you and you know that Charles and I always have your back – he's going to be so pissed when he knows that you skipped school once again by the way.”

“Please,” she rolled her eyes, “Hank trying to teach me physics is not school, it's bullshit. Half of the time he gets distracted and ends up leaving me to go write a thesis or something. And thanks for the pep-talk, even if it sucked a little.”

“Always a pleasure.”

They ended the call without further ado and after breathing in and out slowly five times, she felt ready to get out of the study.

In the hallway, she heard voices coming from the right – the living-room and Peter's bedroom were in this direction – and she wondered what Peter and Steve were talking about.

Probably the fact that Peter thought they might be related.

It was such a ridiculous idea. What were the odds that they were separated twins or siblings ? And if they were, that was probably because Peter's fathers hadn't wanted her – after all she sure as hell didn't have anyone really wanting to be her parent until very recently.

Waoh, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were going to be pissed if she was really Peter's sister.

Taking a deep breath in, Hilly turned to the left where the elevator was waiting for her, doors still opened, and she flew away.

Maybe it was coward but she had never pretended to be courageous or anything like that. She _really_ liked her comfort zone and simple things like not having a secret twin she had met by sheer luck weeks ago.

 

 

***

 

 

Jean was trying to put something in her mouth, being stopped every time by Sean which made her whine a little until she got distracted by something else that she could try to choke on, and Hilly was watching with a bored pout on the lips.

Sunday family breakfast wasn't her thing.

“So,” beamed Charles, smiling warmly at every single one of them, “how did your week go?”

“Good.” said Hank.

Raven, Alex and Angel groaned, covering Jean's whine.

“I heard that someone made a new friend.” continued Charles, turning to Hilly who glared at Erik.

“I'm never telling you anything ever again.”

“As you wish.” replied Erik, looking even more bored than her.

“I thought that your only friend was that weirdo at the hospital.” said Alex without looking up from the pancakes he was murdering.

“Nah,” immediately replied Raven with a smirk at the corner of the lips, “this one is her boyfriend.”

“Really?!”

Charles looked hopeful and Hilly felt like shit because she had to break the news at some point.

“About that… is it okay if I stop going to the hospital? I uh… Wade doesn't want to talk to me anymore.”

“Why? What happened?”

She shrugged and stole Sean's french toast when he tried to stop Jean from putting jam on his head.

“Maybe it has to do with the fact that you're a weirdo.” said Alex.

“Why do you have to remind us why nobody likes you by always opening your mouth ?” she shot back.

He grimaced at her and she threw her little spoon at him.

“Hey! Look at how violent she acts!”

“Right Alex, like you'd be a victim.”

They exchanged a tiny smirk and went back to eating – cause this was how they worked.

Alex had been the only one with her who had went to juvie and even if she had no idea why, she knew he wasn't to mess with. He was the kind of guy who would smile sweetly until you turned your back – and then he'd strike.

In her opinion, it was the best method of attack, but Erik would probably disapprove.

“Are you guys gonna fight or what?” asked Angel while passing the orange juice to Sean.

Charles clicked his tongue and gestured to the 'NO FIGHTING DURING MEALS' sign hanging on the wall opposite to him, making Angel _and_ Raven groan as Erik tried to hide his smile by sipping at his coffee.

“If no one's fighting, can we get back to talking about Hilly and her boyfriend please?”

Hilly groaned and tried to kick Raven under the table, obviously missing as Hank choked on his toast and grabbed his shin.

She really didn't like Sunday family breakfast.

 

 

***

 

 

“Is it weird?” asked Peter, two weeks and a half later, a huge bag of marshmallows in the hands, looking sheepish.

“Yeah a little.” replied Hilly.

She was in the middle of dying her hair red – actually Raven was dying her hair red, but same difference – and she could hear Alex loudly asking if it was her boyfriend from the living-room. It probably was the worst timing ever.

“Look, I'm sorry if I look creepy and all but my dad is Tony Stark and he is very eccentric so when he gave me your address and told me that either I was going or _he_ was, I didn't have a choice.”

Nodding, she opened the door wider to let him in.

Erik and Raven were waiting for her in the living-room (Erik had been enrolled by force because he was an exceptionally good hairdresser, surprisingly) and the man's eyes widened when he saw Peter.

“Holy shit.” he said, followed by something in German that had Charles rolling into the room, frowning.

“Erik, remember when we had this discussion about cursing around the kids?” he asked before stopping dead on his track as he spotted Peter awkwardly standing next to Hilly. “Crap.”

Charles and Erik had already seen Peter once so Hilly didn't understand their reaction – until she did. With the hair-dye on her head, people's attention didn't go to her hair but to her face – a face she apparently shared with Peter.

“Hey, I guess I forgot to tell you that Peter thinks we're long lost twins. Surprise!” she exclaimed, trying for a smile.

Alex choked on air and Raven brought a hand up to cover her mouth, looking more shocked than Hilly had ever seen her.

“Actually...” started Peter, stopping to clear his throat, ears burning red, “I have the confirmation. We are twins.”

Everything started to spin around her so Hilly quickly crossed the room to sit on the edge of the couch, next to Alex who was still gaping at Peter. She had to mentally remind herself to breathe and counted to forty before finally looking up at her – god, it was fucking ridiculous – twin.

“Alright… I can stomach that. I think.”

“I uh… I really didn't plan on breaking the news to you like that...”

He swept a glance at the others – Charles was starting to smile, which wasn't good, but Erik and Raven looked still as shocked as before and none of them had moved.

“After the other day my father started to look into my adoption files and there were papers about a girl named Hillary Parker, who is my twin but was already adopted.”

“It's impossible.” she replied, “I was only adopted once and I was ten.”

“Actually...” Charles piped in, rolling closer to her, “he's right. It's in your file, when you were sixteen months old you were adopted but the family died in a fire a week later. If I remember correctly it happened while they were at the cinema.”

“ _Great_. So a nice family adopted me but not my twin brother, then died tragically while said twin brother was being adopted by a billionaire and a baseball star? Karma's a bitch.”

Peter held the giant marshmallow bag out, smiling sheepishly.

“That's why I got it. You like marshmallows right?”

“Who doesn't?” asked Alex, finally coming back to himself and jumping out of the couch to snatch the bag and open it, taking a handful of marshmallow.

“You're disgusting Alex.” commented coldly Erik.

“Yeah and we're having an important talk about my life right now. Plus those are mine so stop eating 'em and get the fuck away.”

“Uh uh,” replied Alex, stuffing his face with even more candy, “I 'on care 'ose are mine now!”

“Fuck no!”

Hilly leaped off the couch and tackled Alex, falling on the floor with a loud “oof!” as Alex hugged the bag of marshmallow to his chest, trying to roll away from the girl.

“Hilly your hair!” cried out Raven, grabbing her by the arm and pushing her up. “Let's finish that before you kick Alex's ass.”

Without waiting for a reply – and even if Hilly was now trying to literally kick Alex who stayed on the floor – she pulled Hilly after her to the bathroom, Erik following them silently.

Blushing furiously from embarrassment, Peter sent a shy smile to Charles who was beaming at him.

“Can I offer you a tea?” asked Charles.

“Please.”

 

 

***

 

 

Red suited Hilly, which wasn't a surprise for her. When she had started living with Erik and Charles, she was blond and since then had dyed her hair light green, lavender, electric blue and now dark red.

Charles was drinking tea in the open dinning room area with Peter while Alex stood in the corner, facing the wall – and the bag of marshmallow was on the table next to Charles, which was good news cause that meant Alex hadn't had time to eat it all.

Peter blinked at her when she sat next to him.

“So. We're twins, apparently. What should we do about that?” she asked.

He shrugged.

“Be friends, I guess? My dads want to meet you tho.”

“And I would love to meet your fathers.” said Charles, smiling sweetly. Hilly rolled her eyes at him, which earned her an amused smile from Erik.

They all knew she would never meet anyone's dad without Erik and Charles, and her encounter with Steve Rogers was the latest proof of that.

“What about dinner? Here, Saturday.” suggested Charles.

Peter nodded.

“I'll ask them but they will probably be free.”

“Excellent. Now perhaps we should let you two talk.” he added, rolling away from the table, “come on Alex, you're free to go.”

Alex turned around, glaring at the bag of marshmallows as he walked to the hallway leading to the bedrooms, Erik and Charles following him out, leaving Peter and Hilly alone to stare at each other.

“So. This is awkward.” she said, the tension in the air starting to make her crazy. She hated silence, it was something she didn't understand and wasn't used to.

“Yeah… I wish I had called before coming, it wasn't really fair to announce it like that, in front of everyone.”

“Don't worry, at least now I don't have to tell them. And Charles is probably already telling the others.”

“The others? How many are you?”

“Hum, seven, but Raven is Charles' sister so she doesn't really count. And Jean isn't 1 yet...”

Peter nodded, probably confused by all this.

“So you were adopted once, uh?”

“Yeah, it didn't end well though.”

“Yeah?”

 He was looking right into her eyes and looked like he wanted to know more, just to empathize with her, but twin or not, it was way too early to tell him that she had gotten to prison and why exactly – it wasn't murder but close enough that most people didn't see a difference and she didn't want Peter to be afraid of her.

“Yeah, but let's not talk about that. Since we're twins I guess we're supposed to know everything about each other, right? So let's start with your favorite color.”

“Red.” he smiled.

She smiled back.

 

 

***

 

 

The house was a total mess. Raven and Angel were parading around, changing outfits every twelve seconds because, as Raven had said: “it's not everyday you meet American legends Hank, and take that sweater off and burn it for God's sake !”. Alex was getting glared at by Erik because he had found a lighter in his pockets while doing the laundry – apparently he had a habit of setting things on fire – and Sean was in time-out in the corner of the kitchen because he had laughed at him.

Hilly was trying not to panic, holding Jean on a hip as she tried to make herself useful in the kitchen.

“Hilly, Hank and I appreciate your efforts, really, but you are not helping.” gently said Charles.

“You're a mess!” loudly said Alex from the living-room, making Sean laugh.

“Shut up or I'm stress-puking on your lap!” she said back, leaving the kitchen when Charles literally pushed her out.

“Do you really stress-puke? Cause that's disgusting.”

“I don't want to meet them anymore.” Hilly told Erik, pouting and ignoring Alex. “In fact I never wanted to meet them, Charles did. Maybe we should all leave and let Charles alone with them.”

“As much as Charles is a delight, I'm certain that they're here for you and not him.”

Hilly pouted harder.

By the time Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Peter Stark-Rogers arrived, she had managed not to puke but had her stomach in knots. She still managed to shake Steve's (“call us by our name, you're Peter's sister after all!”) hand without screaming or trying to run away – but maybe it had something to do with Charles' smile and Erik's hand between her shoulder blades.

“Nice to meet you.” she managed to say, grimacing a smile.

Peter hugged her, which was new, but he seemed happy and almost as nervous as her – and he didn't have the PTSD factor so really, woah – so she hugged him back, her nervousness slightly lowering.

Tony Stark only shook Charles' hand. He exchanged a manly nod with Erik and swept a glance at everyone else, grinning.

“I don't know how it's possible to survive with so many teenagers under the same roof.” he commented before his eyes stopped on Jean and he seemed half-scared, half-curious.

If Hilly was lucky, he was afraid of babies and would stay away as long as she kept Jean close.

Dinner had been cooked by Hank and Charles – Hilly would never forget the first time she had seen Charles in the kitchen, rolling around like a pro and completely owning the space – and it was honestly delicious but she was so stressed, she couldn't have been able to tell the difference between ash and the tajine in her plate.

“So, which high school are you going to?” asked Steve, smiling, when Peter and Hank were finished talking about their major – because Peter was in motherfucking college.

“Oh.” said Hilly, feeling her insides liquefy as Charles sent her a panicked look – it was serious business for him and he wasn't shy about the fact he was furious at the way her education had been handled. “I stopped going to school when I was ten.”

Steve dropped his fork and everyone except Charles and Erik abruptly turned to stare at her – they were the only ones who knew she had stopped at such a young age.

“I uh… I used to live in this foster home, with like a dozen other kids, and the foster woman was terrible. She didn't let us go to school, we spent all day in her basement making necklaces and earrings that she sold on Etsy. We had quotas and all, and if we did better than expected, we had bonuses like three minutes on the phone with our parents if they were still alive or dessert, that kind of thing.”

Everybody was gaping and she squirmed on her chair, embarrassed.

“But I didn't stay there long though. Three months after I arrived, one of the older kids managed to get a hold of the phone long enough to call the police and we all went back to the orphanage.”

She bit her lips.

Everyone looked different levels of horrified, which wasn't really good considering that she was trying to impress Peter's fathers so they would let her see their son and the rest of the assembly were people she lived with.

“What happened after that?” asked Sean, sounding stunned.

Hilly shrugged a shoulder.

“I was adopted a month later.”

But she did not want to talk about it in front of everyone – not now, not ever.

“Okay, time for dessert!” loudly announced Charles, his big smile looking way too cheerful to be genuine.

Tony, Steve and Peter exchanged an awkward look that Hilly couldn't have missed and she felt like burying herself alive in the hard-wooden floor so she wouldn't have to live the moment everyone inevitably realized that she wasn't worth their time.

“So, what do you do all day?” asked Tony after Steve, Peter, Hank and Erik had started cleaning up the table.

“Nothing...” she blushed, “I uh… I used to go to the hospital once a week to meet with sick people but that uh… that's not something I do anymore.”

“So what, you watch TV?”

“Hank tries to teach me mathematics.”

She also spent an awful amount of time wandering around the city and staring into space while daydreaming about a bald man with a red cap, cancer and the bluest eyes ever.

“That sounds boring.”

“It is. He forgets that I'm sitting next to him after ten minutes. Every time.”

Tony smirked.

That night, once everyone was in bed, Alex didn't say anything when Hilly walked into the bedroom he shared with Sean and went into his bed, taking the space next to the wall.

“If you kick I'm kicking you out.” he simply told her after Sean started snoring softly, his knee brushing against her calf.

“Good night.” she replied, closing her eyes.

She managed to only have one nightmare and didn't scream at all during the night.

 

 

***

 

 

It was crazy how quickly time passed. One day, Hilly was asking a guy for direction because she was lost and next thing she knew it had been two months, she had a twin and may even be friend with Alex – which was super weird. It may have seemed like her life was finally turning around, but that morning she woke up feeling empty and nauseous because of anxiety.

It was the fifth anniversary of her adoption, and just thinking about it made her feel terrible.

And since bad news traveled in pack, Charles rolled to her with a slight frown on the face that morning.

“Logan called this morning.” he told her, handing her a cup of coffee, “He said that you, and I quote, better bring your ass back here instead of acting like an idiot. He also added that he was tired of having to deal with your bullshit. Then he said the F word several times and I told him I'll call him back and hung up because Jean was on my knees and I don't want her to hear that kind of language. So, what did you do?”

“Nothing.” she replied, sitting down at the table in front of Angel with a long sigh. “Logan is just being a pain in the butt because I won't let him boss me around.”

“What does he want you to do?” asked Angel.

She bit down on a french toast, looking uninterested and completely bored at everything happening around her, and Hilly wondered how she had mastered that look at only thirteen.

“Something stupid. Unlike him I can take a hint, even if it's under several layers of confusing gestures and the best hug ever.”

“Oh, so this is about your boyfriend.”

Charles sent a proud smile at Angel.

“You're learning quickly.” he commented.

“I have the best professor.” she replied.

Hilly pretended to gag.

“Stop it and stop being psychic. It's weird.”

“You're saying that because you're embarrassed we can read you so easily.” shot Angel, before high-fiveing Charles – which was a whole new level weird in itself.

“Anyway. Logan sucks, period.”

“Do you know why your boyfriend doesn't want to see you anymore?”

Snorting, Hilly took a sip of her coffee before replying.

“You all gotta stop calling him my boyfriend, cause he really ain't. And no I don't, but I really don't want to push it. Unlike everyone else, I know how to listen when people ask me to do something.”

Erik, who was sitting on the couch, barely stifled a laugh by pretending to cough and Hilly turned around on her chair to glare at him.

“You still should go and at least ask him his reasons.” said Charles. “Sometimes to get what you want in love you have to keep going to the other until he finally hears you out.”

“Don't listen to him.” laughed Erik, “He's the worst at seduction.”

“If I remember correctly you liked it very much when I was trying to seduce you.”

“It's only because you are cute. Your cheesy lines were terrible. He used to go to girl and talk to them about groovy mutations and stupid things like that.” he told Angel and Hilly. “The first time I saw him he was being chase around campus by a girl who wanted to punch him.”

Both girls smiled. Erik didn't often talk about his past and even if Charles wasn't shy about the fact that he had been obsessed with Erik since the very first time he saw him, it was hard to get stories out of him. Raven had told them that it was because all of that had happened before the accident that took Charles' legs so nobody ever pushed.

“Yeah well, I still managed to put the tall and mysterious exchange student in my bed so you shouldn't talk. I'm _great_ at seduction and Hilly will get her boyfriend back thanks to me.”

“I doubt that.” smiled Erik, amused. “If she gets him back it will probably be thanks to her numerous charms.”

“Should I feel insulted?” she asked.

Erik shrugged a shoulder, got up and left the room with one last long look to Charles.

“Don't worry.” said Charles, rolling after him with a huge smile. “Just go talk to him, I won't let it go until you do! And please babysit Jean, I may be busy today.”

He disappeared in the hallway, leaving Hilly and Angel alone to exchange an awkward look.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly tried to pretend that if she was standing in one of the hospital's elevators with Jean in a baby carrier and Peter next to her, it was because she had no choice. Charles more or less forced her to go, and Logan had called and said the F word several times, and she deserved to know why Wade didn't want to see her anymore.

The truth was that she missed him way too much, and it was driving her crazy. So she had taken Jean with her, leaving a post-it on the fridge in case Charles and Erik ever got out of their bedroom, and had called Peter for moral support.

“You ready?” Peter asked her when they got out of the elevator and started walking down a hallway to Wade's bedroom.

“I guess? Like, if I really need to run out of here I'll just pretend that Jean needs a change and quickly disappear.”

“Yeah by the way, why did you bring her?”

“Charles and Erik are busy today, if you know what I mean.”

He snorted.

“I do. My dads do it all of the time at the weirdest moments. They like start to stare at each other until I leave or they give a fake excuse and fly out of the room.”

She giggled, wondering if every married couples did that or just crazy rich gay men, but stopped as soon as she saw Wade's bedroom's door ajar just a few feet away.

“Okay… time to do this.”

Peter patted her on the shoulder, Jean smiled up at her and with shaky fingers, Hilly pushed the door fully open and took a step inside the bedroom.

It was empty.

There was no Wade in the bed, no picture of a taco on the bedside table and the closet was open, empty of any clothes.

“What...”

Hilly turned to Peter, who looked as confused as her, then stepped out of the bedroom just as a doctor was passing it.

“Excuse me,” she called, “do you know where is the patient who was in this room?”

The doctor looked at the room number, visibly bored, before meeting her eyes.

“Oh, he was the cancer patient, right?” She nodded, paling, and he continued, “He's gone. Left us earlier today.”

 Hilly blinked at him, and understanding that she wasn't going to ask him anything else, he gave her and Peter a polite tight smile before quickly walking away.

Slowly, Hilly turned to face Peter who was still standing in the doorway of the room, and he saw a big tear get out of her left eye and roll down her cheek as she bit down her lower lip, as pale as death itself and her hands shaking.

“Gone...” she said, voice quavering. “He's… I don't… I don't understand. Logan called, he said… he… Oh my god!”

Peter saw it coming and he caught her and helped her down when her legs gave out under her and she broke down into sobs that shook her entire body, making Jean cry too.

She grabbed his t-shirt like it was the only thing to anchor her to reality – which it probably was – and didn't hold back, crying like Peter had never seen anyone cry (and one of his father was once kidnapped for several months by terrorists).

People in the hallway gave them strange and pitying looks – a girl with red hair sobbing like that while holding a crying baby was hard to miss so really, Peter wasn't surprised when a nurse quickly walked to them.

“Hilly?” she asked, squatting down next to her and putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “What is going on?”

“Wade...” she moaned, voice breaking.

“A doctor told us.” said Peter when the nurse turned her gaze to him.

“What did he tell you?”

“That he's uh… gone.”

“Oh no honey!” immediately exclaimed the nurse, grabbing Hilly's chin so she would look into her eyes. “He's not dead, he's okay! _He's okay_! He just left the hospital to go home. Stop crying honey he is _fine_.”

Hilly continued to cry but she blinked at the nurse as if she wasn't understanding.

“He is?” she asked, voice hoarse.

“Yes honey. I can't believe someone told you that, who was it? I'm gonna kick his ass. Don't move okay, I'm going to get Logan.”

 The nurse got up and jogged away.

 Jean and Hilly were still crying and Peter had no idea how to react so he did the first thing his body thought of doing, he hugged them both, trying to not squeeze Jean to death between their body.

 By the time the nurse got back with a short angry looking man, Peter's t-shirt collar was soaked with tears but Jean was finally calm and Hilly was just hiccuping and shedding tears, all of them still on the floor.

 “Oh Hilly, you should have called me!” said the man, squatting down and taking her in his arms and away from Peter's – he tried to pretend that he didn't feel a sudden urge to hiss at the man and take his hurting twin back.

“Is he okay? Please tell me he is, I can't do this if he's dead.”

“He's fine. He's actually staying at my place until he finds somewhere to live. I can take you to him if you want but first you need to stop crying and give me Jean, alright?”

She nodded, wiping at her left cheek before reaching with one hand to her back to open the baby carrier as she held Jean against her chest with her other hand.

Jean seemed delighted to go to the man's arms as Peter and the nurse helped Hilly up on her feet.

“Who told you that Wade was gone?” the nurse asked to Peter.

“A doctor…” he replied, watching the man – his name was Logan, right? – provide tissues to Hilly, before starting to describe said doctor to the nurse.

“Good, I'm gonna kill him.” she said, looking very capable of doing it. “And keep me up to date with what happens with Wade and her.” she then told Logan before leaving in long angry strides.

“Come on, you're lucky I just finished my shift, let's go to the car.” said Logan, Jean strapped to his chest happily kicking her feet up and giggling.

They followed him in a silence only broken by Hilly's hiccups.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly was standing alone in front of Logan's front-door, eyes puffy and shaking like a leaf. Logan, Peter and Jean were still in the car – apparently they thought it would be better if she saw Wade alone but she was slightly doubting it.

Just thinking about him being dead made her tear up.

She took a deep breath, knowing that she wouldn't calm down until she saw him but probably should control herself and not throw herself at him as soon as he opened the door, and she knocked.

There was shuffling inside the apartment, followed by distant groaning and the unmistakable sound of someone dragging their feet to the door.

“If you forgot your keys after talking my ears out about it Logan I swear–” started Wade before abruptly trailing off when his eyes met Hilly's. “How did you know I'm here?” he asked after two seconds of awkward silence, “And have you been crying?”

She couldn't help herself: she brought a shaky hand up to touch his right cheek, then trailed it down to his strong jaw, his neck, collarbone and finally his chest where she rested her hand just above his heart, her eyes following the movement and meeting his surprised ones when she finally looked up once she was done.

“I went to the hospital cause everyone is telling me that I should know why you hate me now, but your room was empty and when I asked this doctor he said…”. Tearing up, she tried to swallow the big lump in her throat, to no avail. “He said that you were gone and had left us this morning and you know… with everyone else I wouldn't have think anything of it but you...”

She stopped, biting down her trembling lip.

“Hilly...” he tried to say, eyes sad, but she cut him.

“You have terminal cancer. And when a doctor says that someone with terminal cancer is gone, it means that they are dead. That they are never coming back and that… that you...”

A sob prevented her from continuing as she felt Wade's heart beating wildly under her palm.

He took a step up and wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to his chest. She nuzzled his collarbone, closing her eyes, squeezing him, and he put his chin on her head, making soothing sounds as she sobbed.

“I'm here and I'm okay, you don't have to worry about me. I'm okay.”

“For real?” she asked and the sound of her timid and broken voice broke his heart.

“Yes baby, I'm okay. Tip top shape.”

“Good. I'm ordering you to be okay. You _can't_ not be okay.”

“Don't worry, I'm not planning on it.”

She wrapped her arms tighter around his waist, trying to melt into him.

“And you're wrong. I don't have terminal cancer, I did.” he added against the crown of her head.

“What?!” she looked up so quickly he barely had time to get his chin out of her head's trajectory.

“I uh… we should probably talk about it inside.”

Nodding, Hilly took a step back, unwrapping her arms from around him with regret, and followed him inside a giant well-decorated apartment, trying to stop her sobs.

“Waoh, this place is so much better than I imagined.” she said, sitting down on the couch next to Wade when he did.

She turned her head away from him, pretending to look at the giant glass wall to her right to wipe her cheeks with her sleeves without him seeing – even if she knew that it was stupid since she was still crying.

“Look,” he said, putting an arm on the couch's back. It felt and looked like he was putting his arm around her and it lifted her mood a tiny little bit. “a lot happened since I uh… told you that we shouldn't see each other again. I had my tumor cut out.”

“You mean your inoperable tumor? The one in your brain that is killing you?”

“Was. I got the surgery and it's gone now. All of it.”

Hilly stared at him, open-mouthed. Saying that she was stunned was an understatement.

“But… I thought it was too risky. Like may kill you, or make you unable to talk, or completely mess with your memory and personality kind of risky.”

“It was.” he said, taking her hands in his big one when he saw her starting to twist her fingers, “But I couldn't just stay in my hospital bed all day long, waiting for the day I finally died. I had to try.”

“So you told me that you hated me so that if you died I wouldn't know?” she asked, raising an eyebrow, slowly feeling the remains of her grief fading away to be replace by a strange mix of anger, happiness and hope.

“I never said I hated you, but yes basically, that's what I did.”

Her hands slipped away from his as she frowned, her crying completely forgotten.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! You could have _died_!”

“I was already dying.”

“Yeah but still it… it was… oh my god wait a second, it worked if you're here. Are you...”

“Yep.” he smirked, popping the p. “I technically don't have cancer anymore. But like, I'm supposed to wait to see if it comes back or whatever.”

She broke down sobbing again and despite her resolution, threw herself at him. He took her in his arms once again so she guessed he did not mind after all.

“Your hair is red, by the way.” he said.

“I know asshole. Now show me your scar.”

He kept his arms around her when she backed up a little and bent down so she could see the big pink scar on the top of his head.

“Damn, will your hair grow over it?”

“I hope so, even if I'm rocking the bald-hairless look.”

She smiled for the first time in what felt like forever and snuggled up to him, her head resting on his shoulder as she closed her eyes.

“I don't even know your hair color.”

“Me neither.” he replied and they both snorted.

“Is it okay if I take a nap on you now? All this crying exhausted me.”

“Yeah don't worry, I owe you that.”

He leaned over the coffee table to grab the remote – woah, Hilly hadn't even seen how big was the plasma screen – and turned the TV on, lowering the volume.

“I'll wake you up if I need to use the bathroom.” he told her, wrapping an arm around her and starting to browse through the channels.

Hilly was out cold before she had time to bask in the fact that a very alive and cancer-free Wade was holding her.

 

 

***

 

 

Jean patting her face woke Hilly up. She blinked at the smiling baby girl, feeling groggy and disoriented, and rubbed at her face.

Peter was sitting on the floor in front of her, playing Mario Kart with Wade – whom she was still using as a pillow – and she could hear someone talking in another room.

“What time is it?” she asked, slowly sitting up.

“Six something.” replied Peter, completely focused on the TV as Wade turned to look at her without hitting pause.

“Hey, you didn't tell me you have a twin.”

“Yeah well that's what you get for making me think that you're dead.”

He rolled his eyes as his character – he was playing Waluigi, of course – fell from Rainbow Road.

“It wasn't my fault some dumbass told you that.”

“You could have called me.”

“I don't have your phone number.”

“And who's fault is that?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and smirking.

The corners of his mouth gave his amusement away just as Peter shouted in joy.

“I won !!!” he exclaimed, turning around and realizing that Wade was staring at his twin instead of paying attention to the game. “Uh guys...”

Hilly turned to look at him, looking pleased, and sent him a smile.

“Bravo.” she told him before grabbing Jean who was sitting on Wade's laps and taking her in her arms. “Please tell me someone fed her and called Charles to tell him why I was out with her for so long.”

“Erik is actually here.” said Peter, sending a weird look to Wade.

“Yeah, and he's super scary.” added Wade, shuddering.

Hilly groaned and got up, walking in the direction the distant voices were coming from. Even if the apartment seemed huge, it wasn't hard to find the kitchen where Logan and Erik were both sitting with a cup of coffee.

“Hey.” smiled Hilly.

Erik smiled back – his special smile when she had done something hard or had had a flashback and he was proud of her for not completely freaking out and trying to jump off the window.

“Logan called Charles three hours ago to tell us what had happened, are you okay?”

She nodded and sat down to his right, giving him Jean when she reached out to him.

“I'm fine now. At the time, I wasn't at all.”

“I can imagine… Charles is very disappointed because he couldn't come, by the way. He had a class to attend but he really wanted me to take of photo of your boyfriend and you.”

Sending a quick glance to the huge couch that she could see from her position at the table, Hilly turned to glare at Erik then at Logan when he laughed.

“Stop calling him that ! You're going to scare him away. His name is Wade.”

“I know, he told me.”

“And I bet you tried to intimidate him.”

Erik nodded, looking proud, and Hilly sighed.

“So, now that I'm awake, are we going to go home?”

“It depends, do you want to spend more time with your boyfriend? Because I would very much like to play the gooseberry. Just sitting there, making you uncomfortable...”

“Oh, I would like that too!” said Logan, grinning, “Especially since everything is happening at my place, I might as well enjoy it.”

“You are both terrible… and by the way Logan, since when do you live in such an awesome place? I didn't know nurses made so much money.”

“They don't,” he replied, shrugging, “but my girlfriend is a surgeon and she does make that kind of money. So if you ever wanna get rich, dump Wilson right now, I can get you in touch with a ton of rich doctors.”

“Nah thanks.” she smiled. “After scaring the hell out of me like that, I can't just dump him. I have to harass him to insanity first.”

“Oooooh, good call!”

“It does sound like the better plan of action.” agreed Erik.

“Perfect then, let's go home, I'm starving and I bet Logan won't let me eat anything.”

“You're right kiddo, I won't.”

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly was texting, using the oldest phone Peter had ever seen this century – seriously, she had the kind without a camera, or _color_ on the screen – and he felt really bad since he had a Stark-phone in his pocket. He was also pretty sure that the brand of her phone didn't exist anymore and that it had nothing to do with the sub primes.

“Do you uh...” he started, trailing off when she looked up.

“What?”

“So it's our birthday next week, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“I was thinking about presents and hum… is it okay if I get you something?”

“Oh… I'm sorry but you can't get me something nice.”

“What?! Why?”

She bit her lower lip and he already knew her enough to know what that meant.

“Come on, don't even think about trying to lie. Just tell me.”

“It's… I don't want people to steal my stuff so if I just have shitty things, nobody will touch them.”

“Who would steal your things? I mean, you don't meet that many pickpockets, right? Cause I can talk about it to my dad's bodyguard.”

“No, I don't care about pickpockets, they only attack tourists. It's the other kids at the orphanage.”

“Okay...” said Peter, very confused and frowning, “so I may sound stupid but I'm going to ask anyway: why would people at the orphanage steal your things when you are living with Charles and Erik ?”

“Because I was only supposed to stay with them one year, and five days after our birthday it will be one year exactly, and I have no idea if they will try to keep me or not.”

“Of course they will! Why wouldn't they?”

Hilly raised an eyebrow and gave him a critical look.

“You are seriously asking why?”

“Yes, I don't even understand how you can doubt that. They obviously care a lot about you.”

“Yeah, but so did the Jeffersons, when I was eight. But after three months they realized that I wasn't a good fit after all so they brought me back and took a younger girl instead. And Charles and Erik already have six other kids – well, five and Raven – so I'd totally understand if they didn't want me.”

“You sound like you want them to not keep you.”

“I don't. I actually like them a lot – all of them, even Sean who is the most awkward person I know and Alex, this asshole. The thing is that I can't get my hopes up in case they don't keep me. You probably don't understand at all since you have parents and shit like that but I _really_ can't expect things to turn out perfectly. I can't do this to myself.”

“But… what will happen if they don't keep you?”

“I'll go back to an orphanage.” she said, shrugging like it wasn't such a big deal. “If I'm lucky it'll be a nice one where the people working there will care a tiny bit about us, poor orphans. If not it's okay, it can't be worse than juvie.”

“You went to juvie?”

“Yeah but it's a long story and I'd rather not tell you about it now...”

Or ever, he could see it in her eyes.

“If you go… will I still be able to see you?”

“Yeah, you can visit and all. But don't worry about it for now just… no presents please. It's cliché but having you here is enough.”

He smiled and hugged her, praying that she wouldn't leave.

 

 

***

 

 

Peter was throwing a party in his penthouse for their birthday – seriously, being related to the son of two billionaires was _awesome_ – and he had invited everyone, even Hank and Sean who looked super awkward.

“So, where is the alcohol?” was the first thing Alex told Peter when he greeted them after they had gotten out of the elevator.

“You are too young to drink.” said Hank, “and happy birthday Peter.”

“So what, so are you yet you wanna drink, right?” replied Alex over Peter's thank you.

Hank only raised an eyebrow and left them, disappearing into the small crowd of guests.

“Waoh, I just thought about something!” said Raven, “How old is Hank? Does anyone know?”

They all shook their head and dispersed. It was a party, they could think about how weird Hank and his life were later.

“So...” said Peter, wrapping an arm around Hilly's shoulders. “You need to meet Gwen and Johnny, they've been bothering me non-stop about it ever since I told them we're long last twins.”

“That's the ex-girlfriend turned bff and the bff that you're trying to turn into boyfriend, right?”

“No!” replied Peter, way too loud and blushing furiously. “I'm not trying to turn Johnny into anything.”

“Right… let's pretend that I believe you.”

“You better because I invited Wade and he actually came so if you want me to tell you where he is, be nice.”

“Peter!” she cried out, beaming. “I knew I could count on you! If you don't want me to meet your friends I can disappear right now, just tell me where he is.”

“No, I actually want you to know my friends but try to be cool, he is on the other side of the room and has been staring at you since you arrived.”

Pleased, Hilly tucked some hair behind her ear, trying to tame down her smile. She used the movement with her hair to glance at Wade and as Peter had said he was on the other side of the room, leaning on a wall with a red beanie and a red cup in the hand, alone. He quickly looked away when their eyes met, making her heart jump.

“God, look at that! I haven't seen him in regular clothes in sooooo long! He's so sexy, ugh I can't!”

“Please Hilly, try to control yourself around everyone. Also I'm pretty sure it's too early to attack him, he didn't get out of the hospital that long ago.”

“Well, he sure didn't care about that when we were at Logan's.”

“Hilly, focus.” he said as they approached a blonde girl who was excitedly waving and a(nother) blond guy who looked bored. “Hi guys! Hilly, this is Gwen and Johnny. Gwen, Johnny, this is my twin Hilly.”

They both wished her a happy birthday and chatted for a little while – it was hilarious how Johnny was trying to flirt with her and the faces Peter was making every time – but she left them after a little while. After all they were Peter's friends and probably wanted to spend time with him.

She wandered around the party long enough to find a cup and someone to fill it with vodka and orange juice. It didn't take her long to find Wade after that: he was on a corner of the balcony, away from the smokers, his crossed arms on the railing as he looked over the city.

“It's very pretty.” he said when she approached and leaned on the railing too, right next to him.

“Yeah. I was kind of afraid the first time I came. I've never been so high before.”

“I used to jump in parachute as a part of my job but being able to see New York like that… it's something else.”

She looked at him, his straight nose and strong jaw, his adam apple moving as he took a sip of whatever was in the cup he was still holding, his large and big hands, and then he turned his head to look at her too, and his baby blue eyes that had first caught her attention and made her fall in love with him shook her to the core.

She wanted to reach out and cradle him closer and kiss him everywhere. She still couldn't believe that he had been operated for his tumor and had woken up from a nightmare where he was dead two nights in a row already.

“Happy birthday.” he said.

“Thanks again.” she smiled.

He had sent her a text at midnight exactly, just like Peter, but she didn't have the courage to telleither of them that Charles had been the first one to wish it to her.

“It's half your party, shouldn't you be inside?”

“Nah, I like it here, and you look kind of lonely out there, all alone and brooding.”

“I'm trying to make sure all those stupid preteens having their first real drink will not get close to me once they are drunk.”

“So you're trying to intimidate them by the power of your frightening aura?”

“Exactly, and it's working.” he said, pointing with his chin to a group of five smokers on the other side of the balcony who were sending them side glances every two seconds. “That's really cute, I think they're afraid for you.”

“If they knew.” smirked Hilly, taking a sip of her vodka-orange. “Now, where is my birthday kiss?”

She playfully smiled up at him and leaned her head on his arm.

“You're still jailbait.”

“Maybe, but I'm a sixteen years old jailbait now, not a fifteen years old one.”

“Still too young.”

“Does that mean that once I'm eighteen you'll be okay with it?” she asked, feeling suddenly bold, “With us?”

Wade looked at her with intense eyes before shrugging a shoulder – the one she wasn't leaning on.

“Who knows.” he said before turning around and walking back to the party inside.

Hilly sighed and stayed out for another ten minutes, trying to understand what had just happened.

 

 

***

 

 

The day before the first year anniversary of her arriving, Charles and Erik called an emergency meeting in the dining room.

Hilly's first reaction was to panic, obviously. The only time an emergency meeting in the dining room had happened was the day Hank had gotten fed up with Alex and had almost killed him by throwing several of his big biology books at his face, followed by a lamp and a plastic wrapped scalpel. Alex had survived, obviously, but it could have been a close call.

They were probably going to throw her out the next day.

“Shit.” she hissed, looking around the bedroom. Charles had brought her way too many clothes, there was no way she was going to be able to fit everything in her backpack and dufflebag. “Shit. What do I do?” she asked, more to herself than anything but Jean, from her baby-bed on the other side of the bedroom baby-talked back. “Right sorry, no cursing. Should I play it cool and pretend that I don't even care? Or I play the poor brokenhearted orphan card? Like scream and cry and maybe destroy a chair or two to express how much I don't want to leave.”

Jean replied with a long series of “bababa!”.

“You're right.” Hilly told her, crossing the room to join her and take her in her arms. “Destroying furniture isn't the best plan of action if I want them to tolerate me enough to keep me here. Gotta play the Jean-doesn't-want-me-to-leave card.”

Jean happily nodded and they both left the bedroom to join the dining space between the open kitchen and the living-room where everyone was already sitting except for Erik who stood behind Charles with his hands on his shoulders.

Erik holding Charles' shoulders was never a good sign.

Hilly sat at the far end of the table, next to Sean, and didn't lose time.

“Tomorrow it will be a year exactly that I've arrived and I know the deal was that I only stay with you for that period of time so I understand if you want me to leave and go back to the orphanage but I mean… come on, don't do that to Jean, she likes me too much. And children need stability, apparently, so even if you don't want me anymore, please let me stay for her?”

Everyone stared at her flabbergasted for a second before the whole table broke into uproar.

“You can't fucking do that!” shouted Alex over Sean's “Come on it's not cool we all like her!”, Raven's “Charles I swear I will fight you if you make her leave!” and Hank's “Let her stay please!”

“Hilly is staying.” calmly announced Erik, meeting her eyes, “I'm surprised you even thought for a second that we'll make you leave.”

“Never expect anything, I've learned it the hard way.” she replied, shrugging. “And sorry I just… hope I'm not bothering too much.” she added when Charles' eyes turned sad.

“It's okay I understand… but we're not here because Hilly is leaving us. It's uh...” he started.

Erik's hands on his shoulders squeezed comfortingly and Charles' right hand shot up to grip his.

“Angel is leaving.”

Once again uproar erupted but Angel was silent, staring down at her laps.

“Please guys...” said Charles, voice interlaced with so much sadness and sounding so tired that they all stopped talking at the same time, staring at him expectantly. “Her mother was finally released and it is their right as a family to be together. Unfortunately, Angel's mother couldn't find a job on this side of the country and is leaving for California.”

It was not a secret that Angel's mother was a drug dealer, and a big one at that. She had been caught by the police when one of her meth lab had exploded but had managed to have a reduced prison sentence by giving names to the police.

“She is leaving next week.” said Erik.

Silence fell over the table.

“I'm going to miss you all.” finally spoke Angel, looking up at Charles who immediately teared up.

“We are going to miss you too. Terribly.” he replied, trying to blink away tears.

Angel broke down sobbing a second later and threw herself at him to hug him like her life depended on it.

 

 

***

 

 

Peter's bed was a piece of art. It was huge, soft, smelled good and Hilly could have stayed there for all her life.

“Hilly, focus please.” said Peter, bursting her bubble of joy.

“Come on, leave me alone, you know it's useless.”

“It's not. And it'll probably make Charles happy.”

“Right… and I love Charles I do, but the price is just too much.”

Peter rolled his eyes.

“Hilly, I'm just trying to teach you how to resolve an equation, it's not that hard.”

“When you stopped at divisions, yes it is.”

“Alright, maybe today we should just do some history.”

Hilly pouted and sat up on the bed to send him a sad look. He was sitting at his giant desk, wearing the nerdiest glasses Hilly had ever seen, and holding a big book that was supposed to tell her how to resolve an equation. It was giving her anxiety.

“Look Pete, not to be mean or anything but if I came here today when you asked me, it was mostly because I wanted to get out of the apartment cause it's very depressing there since Angel left.”

“I know, and I'm trying to keep your mind off of it with knowledge.”

“Cause numbers will help me get far in life.”

“You never know.” he said, raising his eyebrows like what he was saying was obvious.

“Right… whatever you say… Are you free tomorrow by the way?”

“Not in the morning, why?”

“I'm going apartment hunting with Wade and Logan.”

“Did they ask you or are you just inviting us to come along?”

She sent him a fakely hurt look before snorting.

“Actually they didn't want me to come at first, but then they both realized that they suck at literally everything so they finally called me. And I know it's gonna be fun to look for the perfect apartment with those two, so maybe you should come with us!”

“Okay, why not, it sounds fun… but I have to tell you first, I may not be the best judge cause I've lived with Tony Stark almost all my life so… I'm not used to normal things.”

“Don't worry, I knew that just by looking at the size of your bed.”

Peter blinked at her, then at his bed.

“What is wrong with my bed?”

“Oh nothing, you know… it's just literally as big as most places I've lived in.”

“That's impossible, the bed isn't that big!”

She raised an eyebrow, flopped down on the bed and did the star, her hands or feet not falling off anything. She then rolled to the right two times and sat up to look at Peter because even now she wasn't even close to falling off the bed.

“Alright, I might understand what you mean but come on, you love that bed, don't you?”

“I do. I love it very, very much and if I could I'd probably marry it but you gotta admit that it's not the kind of bed _anyone_ can have. I'm pretty sure this bed is the largest one in the world.”

“Oh! Wait till you see the one in my dads' bedroom in the Malibu villa!”

“Wait, you have a _villa in Malibu_?!”

Peter grimaced.

“Oh Hilly… you are so naive...”

She threw a pillow at him, telling him to shut up.

 

 

***

 

 

It had been a bad idea to come. Hilly didn't trust a lot of people, but Logan, Wade and Peter ? She did trust them – probably more than she actually should. And the real estate agent was a woman, in her mid-thirties, with a nice smile and even nicer eyes. She should feel good, like a normal girl out with her two adult friends and new-found twin, apartment hunting.

Yet it still felt like a bad idea.

The worst idea ever, even.

She hadn't been back in Riverdale since the fateful night she had jumped out of a window, broke two legs and had ended on the dock for a lawsuit, but there she was again.

The apartment they were currently visiting was two streets away from where she had spent a little over two years of her life and if Wade moved there – and he looked very interested – she couldn't see him anymore. She couldn't just walk there, down those streets, like nothing had happened.

Peter took her hand in his and sent her a questioning look, finally stopping her from staring out the bedroom window.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

The real estate agent was in the kitchen with Wade and Logan, telling them about the washing machine, and Hilly tried to swallow down the lump in her throat. She was so not okay.

“I can't stay here...” she whispered, her eyes leaving Peter's just a second to look once again out the window – they were on the fifth floor, she had been on the sixth when she had jumped –, squeezing his hand in hers. “I can't.”

“Why? What is happening?”

She tried to take a step back and away from him but Peter grabbed her other hand and pulled her closer to him.

“Hilly, tell me. What is wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me.”

“I...”

A car stopped in the street and someone shouted a name as three little girls started laughing, right in front of the building and for a second, Hilly was ten again, getting out of a black BMW and smiling up at her new dad as he told her all about the toys he had brought her and that were waiting for her in her new bedroom.

Peter called her name and she snapped back to reality.

“I can't tell you. You can't know. It's… Please, just let me leave.”

He opened his mouth to reply but she didn't let him, breaking his hold on her hands with a sudden gesture and taking quick steps back until she wasn't standing next to the bedroom window anymore but against the far wall, right next to the door.

Judging from the look he was giving her, Peter knew that she was going to make a run for it.

She ditched her handbag in the doorway and ran to the front door, feeling her throat close up. Peter was calling her name and running after her – _oh God, he needed to leave her alone, please, let me_ _leave!_ – but she knew she could count on the adrenaline pulsing through her veins. If there was one thing she loved about herself, it was her amazing survival instinct that had never let her down. Not once. And it was not going to start today.

The front door was ajar and she slammed it behind her, hoping that it would stop Peter. The last thing she needed was a predator chasing her.

There was no elevator in the building and she skipped the eight first steps, almost twisting her ankle. Someone called her name from the apartment – _Logan, maybe Peter, please not_ _ **him**_ – but the only sounds she could distinctly hear were her wild heart beating painfully against her breastbone and her panicked breathing that was more and more edging on hyperventilation.

Blinking, she jumped the last steps and looked up to realize that she was already on the first floor and that the front door was just in front of her.

She started sprinting as soon as she was on the street, having no idea where she was going, as long as it was far from here. She turned right, her feet taking her to the very place she was trying to run away from, then took the left turn, the buildings and shops around her becoming familiar despite the time that had passed.

Her breathing was erratic, her ribs were hurting and tears were falling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks, but she did not stop until someone wrapped an arm around her. She was frantically sobbing, and fell down on her knees, praying that the person holding her was a stranger and not Peter.

“Hilly it's okay. It's okay, shhh, stop crying.”

A hand touched her cheek and slowly pulled her face closer until it was leaning on a shoulder. Two arms then wrapped around her shoulders and pushed her flat against a large chest.

It was Logan, she just knew it.

“Hilly please calm down for just a second, we need to leave this place. You'll feel better once we leave, alright? So please, get up, we really need to go.”

She shook her head.

It was too late. She knew they were right in front of a nice brick building, with nice little balconies decorated by colorful flowers. And she knew that she was probably kneeling on the same spot she had laid on as the paramedics were trying to determine where all the blood covering her was from.

“I know this is where you were found, and I understand that this is hard for you, but please Hilly. We have to leave.”

“Peter and Wade can't know!” she managed to tell him between sobs.

“I won't tell them anything, I swear, but they are waiting for us in the apartment, with the real estate agent, and if we don't come back, they'll try to see what happened to us and they will come so please, let's go.”

Gripping him by the arm, Hilly managed to sit back and meet his eyes.

“I am so sorry,” she said, trying to wipe her tears away without much success, “I can't control myself, even if I try. I am so sorry. I swear I'm trying to be normal.”

“It's okay.” gently smiled Logan, his right hand coming up so he could help her wipe her tears away. “You have every right in the world to not always act like everyone else. We don't care, we accept you as you are, we just don't like to see you hurt like that.”

“I'm sorry.” she repeated.

“Don't apologize, I told you it's okay. But I really want you to get up and come with me because I know that staying here will not help you feel better.”

She nodded, her chest hurting and still sobbing, and Logan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, slowly leading her back to the apartment they had been visiting.

“I should have remembered.” he muttered when they started walking.

“It's not your fault, I didn't even realized where we are until I looked out the window.”

“Still...”

They turned to the right street and when she saw Logan's car parked next to Peter's brand new Audi – it was his birthday present from Tony Stark and Hilly still wasn't sure who had been the most embarrassed, Peter or Steve – she stopped walking.

“Do you think you can drive me home?” she asked when Logan sent her a questioning look.

“You don't wanna ride with Peter?”

“I don't want to see him after what just happened. Or Wade, while we're at it.”

Logan frowned but considered it.

“It's… kinda selfish. Like, I understand why you feel that way, but they are waiting for you and _scared_ for you. I'm pretty sure they'd like to know that you are okay.”

“I'm not really okay...”

“Alright,” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Wade is probably gonna be pissed but whatever, hop into the car I'll tell them we're leaving.”

She grabbed him by the wrist when he took a step up, panicked.

“Please. Can't you call them while driving?”

“That's illegal.”

“Like you care. I know that if you go back to tell them we're leaving they will come. _Please_.”

She probably looked as desperate as she felt because Logan just sighed again and took his car key out of his back pocket, gesturing with his chin to his old Chevrolet.

“Get in before I change my mind. And don't cry all over my dashboard, my girlfriend'll kill me.”

Hilly gave him a watery smile and nodded, doing as she was told. She was so glad Logan was in her life. With Erik, he was one of the only person she knew who understood what she was going through.

 

 

***

 

 

Erik was frowning as Charles stared at Hilly with incredulous eyes.

“Please, tell Peter I'm out, _please_. I really can't face him right now.”

“Wait a second. You were in Riverdale and didn't tell us?” asked Charles.

“Yes. Now please someone get the door and tell Peter I'm not here!”

“So that's why you looked like you had cried the other day ! You should have told us, we're here for that!” continued Charles, rolling closer to her.

Feeling equally frustrated and panicked, Hilly closed her eyes and breathed in deeply through her nose, trying to calm herself down. She knew telling them what had happened hadn't been a good idea but desperate times called for desperate measures.

“Erik please, help me out.” she asked – no, pleaded – as the doorbell ringed once again.

Erik pursed his lips but nodded once, leaving the kitchen where Hilly had sought refuge.

Charles's eyes didn't leave her as she listened to Erik telling Peter that she was out.

“Oh.” replied Peter, sounding disappointed. “Is… Is she okay?”

“Yes.” said Erik with his I've-got-no-time-for-you voice.

“Okay, good. I just wanted to give back her bag, she uh… she forgot it the other day and her phone is in there.”

“Thank you.”

“Could you please uh… tell her to call me, please?”

“Yes of course. Have a nice day.”

“You too, thank you.”

Erik closed the door and Hilly heard him walk back. When he finally appeared in the kitchen, he was holding her handbag and frowning even deeper.

“So you had a moment and don't want to see your twin now?” he asked, setting her bag down on the counter. “How does it work? Do you expect him to be okay with that? Cause trust me you didn't see him just a second ago, he looks terrible, and I can't believe you made me do it.”

“Yeah, dick move Hilly!” shouted Raven from the couch.

“It's not like I can tell him why I acted like a crazy person!” Hilly defended herself, crossing her arms on her chest.

“I understand that this is difficult, but he is your _twin_. Even without going into too much details you can at least tell him enough that he can understand and even help you.”

“Who said I want his help?”

“Now don't be ridiculous!”

“Erik...” warned Charles, turning a little to look at him.

“No Charles, she went too far this time. What did Logan even said to them when you both left?”

“That I was okay, just feeling sick.”

“Oh, so you made him lie too?”

Taking a step back and going into a defensive position when Erik stepped up until he was standing next to Charles, blocking the way out, Hilly tried to control the anger growing in her.

“So what? It's for everyone's good.”

“Is it? Do you really believe that?”

“Yeah, what I do is none of his business, twin or not, and let's not even talk about Wade.”

“You lied to them, Hilly. They were probably worrying and you _lied_ to them.”

Biting down hard on her lip, Hilly uncrossed her arms, hands in fists.

“Why do you care so much Erik? It's none of your business what I do with my friends.”

“ _Oh really_?” he asked, voice going dangerously low. “You live in my house, with my husband and my children, eat at my table and wear the clothes I bought with my money, but what you do in your life is none of my business?” he said, taking a slow step in her direction, making her shiver, his eyes growing darker.

For the first time ever, Erik seemed dangerous and she was scared of him.

“Who do you think you are? Do you also lie to us every time you judge that none of what you do is our business? How many times have you lied right through your teeth?”

“Never.” she replied, voice choked as she blinked back tears.

“Are you sure?” he asked, taking another step in her direction.

No. She had lied to them, several times, but it was always justified – and she was too scared by him to tell him the truth.

She nodded, hands starting to shake.

“You're lying. Right now, right to my face.”

“Erik please...” said Charles, his eyes going from his husband to Hilly as if he was following a ping-pong match. “You're scaring her.”

“Right, because she _never_ scares _us_.”

“ _Erik_ , you're not thinking straight, please stop before you say something you are going to regret.”

“She has lied to us Charles, who knows how many times, and I know it bothers you as much as it bothers me, stop trying to hide it.”

“I didn't lie!” Hilly finally found the courage to say just as Charles was going to reply. “And it's not my fault if you're finally realizing that I'm not as perfect as you thought, or as you want me to be. I'm fucked up so what? What can I do about it?”

“Be honest with the people who care about you.”

Hilly scoffed. It was more anxious than anything else but Erik took it like a punch in the guts judging from his face and he took at step back, gritting his teeth.

“If this is how you react to Charles and I caring about you then no wonder...”

“Erik...” tried Charles once again, grabbing him by the wrist.

Erik didn't pay attention to him, turning around and leaving the kitchen in long strides, Charles letting him slip from his grip.

Hilly looked away when Charles glanced at her and she almost felt glad when he followed Erik out just a second later.

Sean, Alex and Raven were all in the living room, having heard everything, but nobody spoke up when Hilly grabbed her bag and quickly crossed the room to get to the front door and leave the condo.

 

 

***

 

 

“I fucked up.” said Hilly to her phone, sniffing. “I fucked up so badly, and I have no one to turn to.”

“In a way, I'm not surprised that this is the first thing you tell me after five months without hearing from you.”

She giggled despite the tears burning her eyes.

“Where are you? Do you need me to pick you up? I'm making spaghetti.”

“It's five in the afternoon.” commented Hilly.

“And my day-off, so I can do whatever I want at whatever time it pleases me. So, you're coming over, right?”

“Yeah, but I'm gonna take the subway. You still live in the same shitty place?”

“No, I'm texting you my new address but be quick, I'm hungry.”

“Okay. And thanks Bob.”

“Oh come on, you know you don't need to thank me, I'm gonna make you pay in pringles.” he replied.

“ _Right_ , how could I forget that! See you in a bit.”

She hung up, feeling a little lighter, and texted Alex to let him know that she would be gone for a least three hours before starting to walk to the closest subway station.

It took her barely half an hour to get to Bob's place and he greeted her with a hug and a huge smile. They had met in the weirdest way possible: he used to work as a guard when she was in juvie and they had forged a weird friendship while she was there.

“So,” she asked him once they were both sitting on his couch in front of a really stupid reality tv show, “how does it feel to be divorced?”

“Strangely fine. Without my wife nagging me all of the time, I can actually appreciate life. Also quitting this stupid job as a screw did me good. I work at a bank now.”

“Seriously? You're a suit?”

“Yeah, but it pays good money, you know. And I don't have to watch over kids who try to eviscerate each other anymore so that's a huge improvement. How about you? You said you fucked up?”

“Yeah… You know how I was supposed to stay with that foster family only for a year and then they'd decide if they wanted to keep me or not?”

Bob nodded.

“Well they decided to keep me like, barely a week ago, but I got into this huge fight with Erik, one of the foster dude, and I really don't think they'll want to keep me now.”

“Come on, it's not like they can just throw you out, right?”

Hilly shrugged.

“I think. But if they really want it I can be back at the orphanage tomorrow, and I actually really liked the way my life was going since I started living with them.”

“If it's any consolation, I accept to be your next foster-dad.”

“That would go badly and you know it.” she smiled.

“Hell yeah, but we'd have so much fun!” he smiled back.

They laughed, knowing that one week of them living together would inevitably lead to drama, and Hilly relaxed a bit more, happy to know that despite everything, she still had some people she could count on and who wouldn't care that she fucked things up.

 

 

***

 

 

Three days later, she was hanging out with Alex at a Starbucks. They were both sipping at their coffees, in silence, and Hilly wondered for a second if maybe he was mad at her. The atmosphere at home had been terrible ever since she had fought with Erik and she completely understood if the others resented her for that. Charles hadn't try to talk to her once so at least she knew for sure that _he_ was mad.

“Peter texted me this morning.” finally said Alex without even looking at her.

“You guys have each other's number?”

“Yeah. He thinks you're mad at him.”

“And what did you tell him?”

“Nothing, that's none of my business if you fucked up your twinship.”

“Come on, we both know it was bound to happen.”

Alex sent her a dubious glance and raised an eyebrow.

“Not really.” he said, “Not at all in fact. Like, you guys had a perfect relationship and were great together. What the hell happened?”

“You heard when I told Charles and Erik.”

“Come on, don't be like that with me. Why is Riverdale such a big deal?”

Griping her cup a little tighter, Hilly slowly breathed through her nose.

“I used to live there. Before. When I was adopted.” she replied, talking slowly.

Alex nodded, looking like everything suddenly made so much more sense.

“Okay, alright. And even tho no one ever told us anything, we all know – except maybe Hank who's completely out of touch with reality – that something bad happened to you then.”

She nodded, blushing despite herself.

“So what… you have like, PTSD and stuff?”

“I guess.” she said, shrugging, before taking a sip at her coffee just to occupy her mouth and hands.

“And you don't want them to know.”

“I don't want them to ask.”

“Makes sense.”

Silence fell over them for a few minutes.

“So, does that mean that you are never going to talk to him again? Cause that would be really stupid. Like you guys just discovered that you're twins.”

“I know I just… I really don't know what to do.”

“Apologize, maybe?”

“'Sorry I had a panic attack and left then ignored you for a week?' Right, that sounds good and like something he will totally let go of!”

“Or you can just tell him what you just told me, that something bad happened to you, and that's it. And if he starts to ask questions, you can tell him that you don't want to talk about it.”

Hilly frowned a little at Alex.

“Since when are you so good at giving advices?”

He smirked.

“I've always been good at giving advices, I'm just really bad at following them.”

That didn't really surprise her.

 

 

***

 

 

Wade was looking at her, arms crossed, and hadn't said anything since she had arrived, ten minutes ago. It was starting to make her really uncomfortable and she wondered why the hell they were in front of a cinema.

“So...” she started, pretending that her heart wasn't trying to get out of her ribcage because of his eyes staring at her. “When you texted me to meet you here, I expected more action and less… staring.”

“I'm just waiting for a reaction.”

“A reaction to what?”

“To where we are.”

She glanced at the smiling guy selling popcorn and tickets, then at the large movie posters all around, and finally turned her eyes back on Wade.

“We're at the cinema, what are you expecting?”

“We're going to see a movie, I'm expecting you to pick which one.”

It took her a second to fully understand what he had just said and when she did, a smile broke onto her face.

“Is that a date?” she asked, taking a step closer to him and grabbing his right arm.

He rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath that she didn't bother listening to. It wasn't what she expected, coming to meet him there out of the blue, two weeks after the Riverdale Incident, but she was not going to complain. A movie date with Wade wasn't even something she had dare _dreaming_ of.

“Okay okay, no need to groan!” she said, her smile not leaving her as she leaned a little against his side. “I know you like c-list comedies and stupid action movies so let's pick...” she started, squinting at the posters.

“Don't forget about my unconditional love for borderline parodist horror movies.”

“That's right, how could I not mention that. Let's try that movie with The Rock, it looks cliché as hell.”

“Ow yeah!” replied Wade, finally smiling down at her.

He let her hold on to his arm until they were sitting in plush red seats in front of the big screen showing candies and perfume adds before the movie's beginning and if he realized that she spent as much time watching the movie as watching his reactions, he did not let it show. Her face was almost hurting from smiling too much when they got out but Wade seemed happy too and even grabbed her by the elbow to lead her to where they were going next.

They entered an old diner that had seen better days but the middle-aged woman behind the counter smiled warmly at them when they entered and saluted Wade using his name, like she knew him.

“Do you come here often?” Hilly asked him as he lead her to a booth at the back of the diner.”

“I used to come here every time I could before I was hospitalized.”

She smiled at that. Wade was not the kind of guy to tell stories about his past. He talked a lot, but said nothing. The only things Hilly knew for sure about his life pre-cancer was that he had worked in some Special Forces team in the military, had been married at some point – but that was a subject he hated talking about – and that he was a black belt at several martial art. Nothing more. Sometimes it depressed her, even if she knew that it was hypocritical of her since he had no idea what had happened to her pre-Charles-and-Erik either.

Two men were already sitting face to face in the booth Wade took her to : Peter and Bob, surprisingly.

“What the fuck?” Hilly asked, turning to Wade to send him a confused and angry look.

“Look we just want to talk to you.” said Wade.

“And instead of calling, you trick me with a movie?”

He rolled his eyes but said nothing, gesturing for her to sit and she did – next to Bob, she did not want to get too close to Peter.

Wade sat in front of her and made a weird gesture to the waitress who nodded.

“So?” asked Hilly, crossing her arms on the table. She hoped that she looked as annoyed as she felt, maybe if she did she could intimidate them enough that they would leave her alone. “And how the fuck did you get Bob to come?”

“We actually know each other.” replied Bob, sending a crooked smile her way. “It's kind of a long story, but it wasn't hard to realize that the Wade you were referring to all the time was the Wade Wilson I know.”

She pursed her lips, knowing that it was better if she stayed quiet instead of replying to that.

“But anyway, I'm here because you seriously need to tell them why you act the way you do. They are seriously _freaked out_.”

“I can't.” she replied without hesitating.

“Come on, I understand your hesitation but at least let them know why you always have panic attacks.”

Glaring at Bob, she wondered how much he knew. Of course he had read her criminal record and probably papers about her lawsuit but except if he had been there during the trial, he couldn't know every little detail – and couldn't understand.

“Great, because once they know I almost killed someone, it's gonna be so much easier for them to hang out with me.”

“Hilly...” started Bob but she cut him with a swift gesture of the hand.

“I know what you're going to say. Every one is always trying to tell me the same thing, how it's not my fault, how I was just a child who didn't know what else to do and didn't realize the consequences. But that's not true alright, I placed that knife in my bed to use it, and I did.”

“You shouldn't beat yourself up for that. You were twelve and he was ra–”

“Don't say it!” she screamed, getting up and finally remembering that Peter and Wade were here and had listened to what she had just said.

_Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. How can you be so fucking stupid Hilly?_

They were staring at her, eyes wide opened, and she seriously considered for a second going over to the toilets and drowning herself in the toilet bowl.

Instead she threw a furious glance at Bob and left the diner as quickly as she could, hoping that they would leave her alone for the rest of her life.

 

 

***

 

 

When she was panicking, Hilly tended to not think and make hasty decisions that she later on regretted – which is exactly what she did when she came back home from the diner.

Nobody was here, which wasn't such a surprise. Everyone was at school – even Charles who was a professor – and Erik probably had a meeting or something. He still didn't talk to her and she pretended that she did not care at all.

Going straight to the bathroom, she dropped her light jacket on the floor, then her shoes, and grabbed the pair of scissors that was on the top shelve of the closet.

Taking a deep breath in and walking to the mirror, she slowly grabbed her high ponytail and cut half of it, dropping the hair off into the sink. She looked down at it, feeling her stomach churning with anxiety, and felt manic giggles bubbling up her throat.

She undid her hair, letting it fall down on her shoulder blades instead of her hips like would have done just a minute ago, and this vision of herself made her tear up. She did not want it to be red anymore, she did not want it to be so long, she did not want bangs.

She grabbed her hair in a furious fist and cut it without caring if she was doing it correctly. She wanted to be bald, just like Wade, and hide it under red caps or a turban maybe. She did not care, she just wanted her reflection in the mirror to change – to be better, happier, less fucked up.

The front-door slammed shut, making her jump, and she started to panic when she looked down and realized that she had put hair everywhere.

With trembling hands she set the pair of scissors down next to the sink and knelt down to try to gather as much hair as she could, without much success.

“Oh my god, what did you do to your hair?!” asked Charles behind her, making her jump once again, and she turned her head to look at him, hands full of hair, tearing up and feeling more alarmed than ever in his presence.

“I'm sorry...” she murmured, not moving a muscle. “I am so sorry Charles, I didn't want to make such a mess, I swear. I will clean everything, please don't be mad.”

“I'm not mad,” he said, rolling fully into the room, “I'm very concerned. Please, put what you're holding down and come with me, I'm going to call Erik.”

“No please!” she cried out, biting her lips to keep herself from crying. “Please, not Erik. He already hates me. I… I can clean that up Charles, please.”

Charles' expression grew softer as he reached with his right hand to her, trying for a reassuring smile.

“Hilly come on, Erik doesn't hate you and neither do I. I'm going to call him so he can take you to a hairdresser. You can't stay like that.”

She looked at his hand, then down at hers that were still gripping hair locks and her lower lips trembled.

“Promise he won't hit me.” she asked, barely above a whisper.

“Has he ever hit you?”

“No.”

“Then trust me, he won't start today.”

She let the hair she was holding fall and grabbed his still offered hand, getting up and looking at the mirror for a second.

“Oh.” she said – she was a mess and her hair was sticking up at odd angles and cut way too short.

“Yes, oh. You could have waited for Raven if you really wanted to cut it.”

“It was a pressing matter.” she replied, squeezing his hand just a little before going behind his wheelchair to grab the handles and lead him to the living-room.

Charles called Erik but she forced herself to not listen to what he told him. It felt like her millionth breakdown this year and they were probably getting tired of it – she knew she was.

Erik arrived barely ten minutes later and did not say anything when he saw Hilly's hair – or what was left of it. He just kissed Charles and wrapped an arm around the teenager to lead her out of the apartment.

The hairdresser screamed a little when she saw her but Hilly disconnected her brain as soon as she was done telling her what she wanted. Erik and Charles were sitting not far from her, discussing in hushed tone while glancing at her every other second but they left her alone, which she was glad for.

It took a little over an hour for the hairdresser to salvage her hair and she felt so much better afterward that she managed to give a tiny smile to the hairdresser and everyone around.

Erik and Charles said nothing, once again. They just paid and went back to the car.

“Maybe we should get pizza tonight.” offered Charles as Erik was maneuvering the car in traffic.

“Good idea.” replied the other man.

“Hilly?”

“Yeah, why not.” she told Charles, trying for a smile that fell flat.

 

 

***

 

 

Sean stopped walking to stare at her, mouth hanging open, after he had entered the living-room where she was sitting, pretending to watch tv.

“What the fuck did you do to your hair?” asked Alex, stopping right behind him.

“Oh my Gosh, _why_?” asked Raven – and she looked the most shocked out of everyone.

“I don't want to hear one word about Hilly's new haircut, understood?” said Erik, pausing a second in his typing at his laptop on the dining-room table to make sure that they all nodded before going back to his business.

That did not stop anyone, even Charles, from staring at her all evening.

After dinner, she managed to run from them and hide in her bedroom, alone since Jean was still in the living-room, and she threw herself at her bed, feeling like utter shit. She shut her eyes, just for a second, and ended up falling asleep.

It was her phone ringing that jolted her awake, two hours later. Eyes still half closed and wondering what time it was and where the fuck she was, she picked up without looking at the caller ID.

Big mistake.

“I'm so fucking sorry, that was such a dick move and I totally understand if you're never talking to me again, I mean, like, I act like a dick eighty percent of the time and I really don't understand why you keep on trying to be my friend but seriously, I hope you can forgive me for tricking you like this.” said Wade, talking fast and without stopping one time to take a breath.

Hilly blinked, sitting up in her bed, heart beating quickly.

“Wade?” she asked, voice hoarse from sleep, tone unsure.

“I'm so sorry.”

She bit her lip, not understanding why he was calling after hearing about what she had done – why he was _apologizing_ – and unable to find something to reply. For once, he made her truly speechless.

“I… I get it you know – in a way. They were almost glad in the army when I got diagnosed with cancer. They were planning on forcing me to retire because, according to them, I had PTSD. Which is totally untrue, alright, a few nightmares and trying to stab someone in my sleep isn't _that big_ of a deal. But anyway, everyone was trying to tell me that I was doing the right thing during deployment, but after months in the field, I started to realize that maybe _I_ was the terrorist and the killer...”

“But what you say or think doesn't matter.” she added when he stopped talking. “They will always try to convince you that you were right, that acting like you did was _the right thing_. That you shouldn't feel responsible and that you shouldn't have nightmares – I get them too, you know, with the panic attacks. I have to keep sharp objects out of my bedroom or I might stab Erik during the night when he tries to wake me up.”

For a minute, none of them talked.

“Bob had to drag me to the hospital.” finally said Wade, his voice strangely fragile. “He used to work with a governmental agency that worked with the army and was the only guy I knew in NYC when I got discharged. I...” he swallowed and Hilly felt a shiver run down her spine, “I didn't want to see doctors. I had already been told that my cancer was incurable so I thought, why bother if in the end I'm gonna die? And so I spent my six first months being miserable on Bob's couch. He literally waited until I was too weak to protest and took me to a hospital so I could get medical help.”

“You're an idiot.” she said, blinking away tears. “ _God_ , you're such a… I can't believe it! I wouldn't have met you, damn it! You would have been dead!”

“But I'm not so stop being pissed at me.”

“Still… shit, now I really want to see you.”

“Wanna meet up?”

She couldn't help but raise her eyebrows in surprise.

“Seriously?” she asked, heart racing.

“Yeah, can you get out? I mean, it's a bit late now.”

“Don't worry, where do you wanna go?”

“Can you come at Logan's? He went out with his girlfriend and I'm so boooooored! Seriously, this is a nightmare, the guy doesn't have any video games besides Mario Kart and Zelda. And I fucking hate Zelda.”

“Alright, give me half an hour.”

“I guess you already had diner, huh?”

“Yep, but I have nothing against ice cream.”

“Per-fect!”

They hang up and, feeling like she had butterflies in her stomach, she grabbed her jacket and left the apartment, telling Erik where she was going – he frowned a little but nodded slightly, probably because she was smiling now and that after such a day, it was almost a miracle.

She took the bus to Logan's, enjoying the fresh air and the slightly less crowded streets. It took her a little longer than expected to arrive, but Wade was waiting for her in the lobby, and he didn't hide his surprise when he saw her.

“Waoh, you look _exactly_ like Peter. Like… waoh.”

“Do you like it?” she asked, running her fingers through her hair.

Her light brown, _very_ short hair. The spiky pixie cut had been a risky choice but she was happy with the result – and hadn't have much of a choice after what she had done to her long red locks.

Wade spent a second too long looking at her, making her blush, then smiled and nodded.

“It suits you, but with your hair it seems that nothing can turn out bad.”

She bit her lip, pleased, and followed him to the elevator.

They stayed silent the whole way up and until they sat on the couch, in front of the giant television. Wade turned it on, draped an arm over the back of the couch, just behind Hilly, and browsed through channels until he found a rerun of The Big Bang Theory.

“I missed so many seasons. They didn't have cable at the hospital, or at least I never paid for it.”

“I actually never watch tv so don't worry, I have more to catch up on than you.”

He looked down at her, smiling, and in the dark room with only the television light shining on him, his cheekbones seemed higher and his jawline even stronger than usual – and his eyes, they were so much more tender. It gave Hilly a feeling she had never experienced before – something very close to a mix of intimacy and fondness and love – and she suddenly had the _need_ to touch him, hug him close –

(– and kiss him. Her whole being was screaming at her to kiss him but she knew he wouldn't want that, so she refrained from doing it.)

She still leaned against his side and put her head on his shoulder, heart thundering in her ribcage and palms sweating.

Wade's smile grew fonder and he finally put his arm around her. She wished he'd put his head on hers but knew that it was foolish and that she should be happy with what she had now.

“If you never watch anything you do know what that means, right?”

“Nope, what?”

“Marathon! I heard Parks and Rec ended so we should start with it, then HIMYM, Breaking Bad and you can't live without having watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Sabrina The Teenage Witch.”

“Sabrina the _what_?”

“Don't worry you're gonna love it!” he said before grabbing the remote to go on Netflix.

 

 

***

 

 

“I want to meet him for real.” announced Erik, sitting on the couch next to Charles, when Hilly came back home.

She was smiling and a little starry-eyed because Wade had insisted on walking her home and had left her with a pat on the shoulder and a blinding smile – and she knew that it was kind of pathetic but it was the best she could have and she tried to be happy with it.

“What? Who?” she asked, sitting down on the armchair in front of the couch when Charles gestured to her to do that.

“Your boyfriend, I want to meet him for real.”

“For the last time, he is not my boyfriend.” she replied, rolling her eyes.

“Are you sure?”

Erik looked doubtful and Charles just curious, like always when they were talking about her almost non-existent love-life.

“Yeah, he doesn't want to date me because I'm jailbait.”

Erik's left eyebrow went to his hairline.

“How much older is he, exactly?”

“Well he told me he's thirty but Logan said he's twenty-six. Personally, I know Logan told the truth because he probably saw it on his medical record or something and I know Wade constantly tries to scare me off.”

“So he's a decade older than you.”

“Yep. Well, eleven years technically, cause his birthday is like, next week or something. I should probably do something for that, by the way, since I'm like his only friend.”

Since Erik's face stayed blank and she still felt great and kind of invincible from having spent so much time so close to Wade, she decided to keep on talking.

“Okay, maybe not. I'm one of his two friends, plus Logan and Peter too now. Oh shit… Peter. I probably need to call him about… yeah, you probably don't want to hear about that.”

“About what?” asked Charles.

She got up instead of replying.

“I'll only let you meet him if you promise to be nice and do it on my terms.”

“What terms?” asked Erik.

“We don't invite him over to dinner. And like, only you two. I managed to keep him away from the others during Peter's birthday party and I don't want them anywhere near him for now.”

“Alright. But we meet him at a proper restaurant.”

“Not somewhere we have to look nice to be able to walk into.”

“Deal.”

She smiled and waved before leaving for her bedroom.

 

 

***

 

 

Logan's girlfriend was a delight – which was a very nice surprise. Her name was Ororo, she was very tall, very pretty and very nice – most of the things Logan wasn't. Also, she had been happy about the whole throwing a surprise birthday party to Wade thing, unlike her boyfriend, and Hilly loved her for that.

“It's funny you know,” said Ororo as they were both watching Bob and Peter trying to put a banner up.

It was a handmade banner with too much glitter and the paint was a little smudged but Hilly hoped that it was still going to make Wade happy.

“Logan spent months telling me all about you and your crush on Wade but he didn't make it sound half as cute as it is.”

“Should I thank you?” asked Hilly, blushing.

“Yeah, I mean that as a compliment.”

Hilly sent her a smile but quickly stopped when she met Peter's gaze. They still hadn't talked at all and appart from a compliment about her hair and a hug when he had arrived earlier, they had not exchanged a word or been close.

“A little higher Bob!” said Ororo, frowning slightly as Bob tried to balance himself on a chair while bringing the banner higher. “Yeah just like that.”

They attached it carefully and both Peter and Bob went back down on the floor.

“So, is everything ready?” asked Peter, awkwardly trying to not look at Hilly's face.

They all looked around the giant living room decorated with the banner and colorful balloons and seemed happy. Hilly had baked the cake herself, a giant red thing decorated by a taco made of sugar (she had woken up at five in the morning to do it, and it had taken her seven hours, so Wade better love it or she was strangling him with her own hands), and even if the party hadn't even started yet, she was almost starting to get tired.

Ororo's phone buzzed and Hilly completely forgot about her tiredness.

“They're in the elevator, everyone get in place!”

It was almost ridiculous, all four of them getting in line under the banner, right in front of the front-door, in the middle of this giant room, waiting for Wade and Logan to arrive. Hilly wondered briefly if she shouldn't have invited at least Sean and Hank for the occasion, just so they were more people and because they were less nosy than Alex and Raven, but the door opened and she stopped thinking about ways she could have made it better because Wade took a step in, stopped to gape at them, then at the banner, and for a second he looked like he was going to cry.

“Did you...” he started, before pulling his cap off and putting it back on almost immediately. “Are you guys throwing me a birthday party?”

Hilly smiled brightly at him and gave the signal for the others so they all screamed “Happy Birthday Wade!”.

“I told them to not do it but Hilly insisted.” groaned Logan, closing the door behind him and pushing Wade forward since he still hadn't moved. “Come on, she made a cake and all, don't just stand there, you might as well enjoy it.”

Wade smiled tentatively, eying Bob, Peter, Ororo, Hilly, then his eyes going to the banner before he looked back at Hilly.

“I knew I shouldn't have told you when my birthday is.” he smiled before walking to her and engulfing her into a tight hug.

She closed her eyes, grinning and wrapping her arms around him too.

“I knew you'd love it.” she said, and it was muffled by his shoulder and the peak of his baseball cap was digging into the side of her head but she still felt prouder than ever – and so, _so_ happy.

“You're the best.” he murmured directly into her ear, only for her to hear, and her heart jumped so hard at that, she knew he must have felt it.

She almost said it. Those three little words that were constantly going through her head whenever she was with him or thought about him. Those three little words that she had never said to anyone, and that no one had ever said to her. Those three little words that she _knew_ he wouldn't want to hear from her, not now, not before he finally judged that she was not too young anymore.

He stepped back and smiled down at her just as she was parting her lips, and she had to clamp down hard on all the feelings that erupted in her chest.

This was not the time to start crying or blurt out a love confession.

Leaving him to Bob who was giving him a manly hug, she decided to go to the kitchen. She hadn't finished putting all the candles on the cake and it was a good way to busy herself and get away while she gained back control of her emotions.

She realized that Peter had followed her when he hugged her from behind.

“I'm okay.” she said, the lie flying out of her mouth without her having to think of it.

“I know it's not true, and I'm sorry we were dicks and tricked you the other day. Please, forgive me, I really miss you and I know you could use a twin right now.”

“You're right, I could use one.” she replied, turning around to bury her face against his shoulder. “And I forgive you, of course. Apparently I have a bad habit of never telling people about my problems and fears and shit like that.”

Peter chuckled.

“It's okay. But just so you know, if one day you ever feel like talking about it with someone, that's what I'm here for.”

“Yeah, what's the use of a twin other than that?”

They laughed and hugged for a second longer before she stepped back, a smile on the corner of the mouth, and turned back to the cake.

Peter helped her putting the candles on the cake and lighting them and he went back to the living-room to close the blinds so she could bring the cake over.

They all started to sing, even Logan, and by the time they got to the second “Happy birthday to you”, Wade's eyes were damp and Hilly's cheeks were hurting from smiling too much.

Wade closed his eyes to make a wish and managed to blow all the candles, earning loud applauds and shouts, and he looked the happiest Hilly had ever seen him. He hugged her again after she told him that the taco on his cake was eatable and the cake actually tasted good so all in all, it was one of the best afternoon of her life.

It turned to crap half an hour later when Logan announced that he had “invited Shiklah and she should arrive in like a minute” and Wade promptly started to choke on his cider as Bob stared wide-eyed at him.

“Why the fuck would you do that?!” cried out Wade.

“She texted me this morning, asking me if she could see you today so I thought that this was a good idea. It's your birthday and she misses you Wade.”

“I don't care, damn it, we got divorced for a good reason!”

“Cause you were dying, stop being so dramatic.”

Wade opened his mouth to reply but someone knocked on the door and he was on his feet and walking over it in just a second.

Peter glanced at Hilly, who just stared at Wade in shock as he opened the front-door and all previous angry feelings literally left him as he hugged tightly the person that was standing in the hallway.

Wade and Shiklah his ex-wife stayed like that for almost a minute and just as Hilly was feeling her heart sinking at the bottom of her stomach, Wade finally let her go so she could step into the apartment – and this was so much worse than a hug.

Shiklah was perfect. She had long jet-black shiny hair, intense blue eyes, full lips, high cheekbones, and was slim with just the right curves – and how was it possible to have boobs like that with a waist so slim, Hilly had no idea.

Wade was looking at her with wonder and introduced her to them, looking even happier now, despite his original reaction to her coming.

Hilly felt a little bit sick and didn't finish her slice of the cake.

 

 

***

 

 

Hilly woke up to Sean and Alex coming into her bedroom to hide the next morning.

“Erik and Charles are fighting.” said Sean as Hilly sat up.

They sat down on the bed next to her and she put her head on Sean's shoulder, closing her eyes.

“That's impossible, they never fight.” she mumbled before yawning behind her hand.

Alex tried to reply but was cut off by Charles screaming “She's going to think that we're abandoning her!” from the living-room.

Hilly swallowed audibly as the two boys and a now awake Jean turned to look at her.

They heard Erik reply, not as loud as Charles so they did not understand what he was saying, but loud enough to make them all jump.

“If it's about me I should probably...”

She gestured for the bedroom door and Sean nodded eagerly so she got up, nodded at Sean's smile of encouragement and left the room to go to the living-room.

Charles was in his wheelchair, pacing back and forth in front of the television, and Erik was sitting on the couch, nervously running his hand through his hair.

“Hi?” said Hilly when she entered and they both jumped in surprise and turned to look at her with wide-eyes.

It almost looked like they had been crying.

“Did we wake you up?” asked Charles, immediately rolling to her, “We're so sorry, we didn't mean to it's just...” he reached her and grabbed her hand in his, smiling sadly. “We have something to tell you.”

“You should sit.” added Erik.

She nodded and walked to the couch, Charles not letting go of her hand and once she was sitting between him and Erik, he interlaced their fingers together.

“We really, really love you Hilly.” he said, “Like one of our child. In the fourteen months you've been living with us, we all grew very attached to you and we want you to know that we _don't_ want you to leave. You understand?” Charles asked, grabbing her chin so he was sure she was looking into his eyes. “We love you Hilly and we all deeply care about you.”

Her lower lip trembled as she felt sick at the pit of her stomach.

“What is going on? Do I have to leave?” she asked, voice wobbling.

Charles blinked back tears.

“We got a call about a week ago. You _have_ to go to school, and the system does not care about the fact that you are way too old to be in middle school with eleven year old children.”

“But you and Hank and Peter are teaching me stuff.”

“I know honey, I know but that is not enough. If you don't start going to school, a real school, you are going to be taken away.”

“So that's not such a big deal right? All I have to do is suck it up and go to middle school.”

“Middle schools won't accept you. We tried.” Erik said, finally speaking up.

“So what? I'm just… gonna be taken away from you?”

Erik looked down at his laps, pursing his lips, and when she turned to Charles he had started to cry in silence but shook his head.

“We found a school made for people like you that stopped going to school way too early.”

“Why are you crying then?” she asked, tearing up too despite herself.

“It's in Michigan. They are the only one who accepted you.”

She had to bite down her lip until she starting to bleed to keep from sobbing.

“What am I going to do?” she asked in a broken voice. “I've never been out of New York. And your life is here, you can't come with me. I… Peter lives here. All my friends… what am I going to do?”

Charles didn't hold back his sobs and hugged her before she could say more.

“It's a boarding school.” he said between sobs, “You're going to be fine, you don't have to worry.”

She shook her head, grabbing the back of his shirt in tight fists, breaking down into sob now that he was holding her.

“You are so strong Hilly, trust me you are going to be fine there.”

Erik hugged her from behind, wrapping his arms both around her and Charles, and he was crying too, even if he wasn't making a sound.

“I don't want to leave you.” she protested, heart burning in her chest.

It was a nightmare. Just a terrible, cruel nightmare. She was going to wake up and neither Erik nor Charles were going to be crying with her and she was going to realize that none of that was real and that she was staying with them and Raven and Alex and Sean and Jean and Hank in the city where all her three friends and her twin lived.

“We don't want you to leave either.” sobbed Charles, one of his hand leaving her back to grab Erik. “We love you so much Hilly.”

She sobbed harder.

 

 

***

 

 

Tony Stark stared at her like she was some sort of weird alien when she got off the elevator and entered the penthouse.

“You seriously have the same face as Peter.” he said, “That's kinda weird.”

“Thank you?”

He gave her a vague nod and disappeared into the kitchen.

Peter smirked from the couch where he was sprawled, his head next to Wade's thigh, and she wondered when they had started to hang out together.

“Are you guys friends now?” she asked, flopping down on Peter who groaned but let her sit on his stomach.

“Yep.” said Wade at the same time as Peter said “Nope.”, none of them taking their eyes away from the television.

Hilly sighed. She had came to tell Peter that she was going to leave for Michigan in the very near future and Wade being here did not make it easier for her.

“So...” she started after some times trying to pretend that she was interested in what was happening on the giant screen – it was even bigger than the one in Logan and Ororo's apartment, it was crazy. “What's up?”

“Nothing.” said Peter.

Wade made a sound that could have meant anything.

“What are we watching?” she tried again.

“Walking Dead.” said her twin.

“You really gotta start watching tv.” smiled Wade.

He sent her a quick glance before turning his attention back on the dirty people screaming at each other on the screen.

Pouting, Hilly wondered for a second if she could get away with never telling them that she was leaving and if they would realize once she was gone – more than probably, but a girl could dream – and, feeling even more depressed than before, she lay down on Peter, tucking her head under his chin and closing her eyes when she felt him wrap an arm loosely around her.

“You okay?” he asked, looking down at her.

She shrugged and he seemed to sense that she did not want to talk for now.

“I fucking hate that episode.” muttered Wade after five minutes.

“Good, I fucking hate that show, let's watch something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don't know, is there something you wanna watch Hilly?” asked Peter.

“Charles and Erik want to meet you Wade.” she replied.

Peter tried to abruptly sit up but she pushed him back down on the couch, getting up on her elbow to frown at him.

“That… is not the name of a show...” said Wade.

She looked up and found him staring at her with a slight frown.

“And uh… aren't Charles and Erik your foster dudes?”

She smirked at the fact that he did not use the word 'dad'.

“Yes, they are. And for whatever weird reason they have, they want to meet you. But fortunately for you, I think you can pass on it.”

“Really?”

“Yeah...” she said, pulse quickening. It was now or never, she had to tell them.

She looked down at Peter's green eyes, then back up at Wade's baby blue ones, and finally resolved to getting up and going to the huge windows to look at New York.

“I am being forced to go to school. In Michigan. There is a summer program that will help me get it over with faster so I am probably going to leave somewhere around mid-July.”

“Hilly that's not a funny joke.” said Peter but his tone told her that he knew this was serious.

“If I don't go, I get taken away by social service. Charles and Erik could have problems and I clearly would rather leave for some months than forever.”

She heard someone move behind her and a second later Peter was grabbing her by the shoulders to make her turn around and he hugged her tight.

“Skype exists and I gave you a Stark-phone, don't act like we're not going to be able to talk to each other anymore.”

“And Michigan is not Alaska.” added Wade.

Their eyes met over Peter's shoulders and she watched him as he got up from the couch and took slow steps in her direction. He went behind her and wrapped his arms around her and Peter.

She was being sandwiched by Peter and Wade and that thought made her laugh for about ten seconds before she started crying and gripping whatever part of them she could to pull them even closer.

“Come on Hilly, it's not like we're going to forget about you just because you are going to Michigan. It's gonna be okay.” murmured Wade against the back of her neck.

She really wanted to believe him but she felt his tears on her skin when his lips brushed a kiss against her jaw.

 

 

***

 

 

They all had decided to get very drunk the night before her departure. Peter's dads had let them alone in the penthouse, telling Hilly that they were going to miss her but keeping their distance – which she was glad for – before leaving them.

“Come on!” moaned Hank as Alex snatched his glass away and drank from it, grinning. “Why do you always have to be so terrible with me?”

Alex laughed instead of replying and it sounded a lot more like giggles.

“He's drunk!” cried out Sean, face red and sitting on Raven's knees. “Look! Alex's drunk!”.

He dissolved into a fit of giggles too.

“You're all hammered kids.” stated Wade, sipping at his fourth beer of the night.

Hilly was tucked to his side, feeling warm and relaxed, with both her legs draped over his thighs. Peter and Raven had been taking photos of them for a while now and she just hoped that they were going to send them to her so she could remember it forever – seeing as the whole living-room was reeling around her, she doubted she'd have a lot of memories of that night.

“Stop calling us kids.” she pouted, looking up at him over the rim of her glass.

He raised a non-existent eyebrow and took a sip of his beer, looking amused.

“That's what you are tho. Kids. Who drank way too much.”

She shook her head, pouting harder.

“I'm not a kid you know. No matter what you keep telling yourself.” she said, shifting a little because something was digging into the back of her thigh. “And I know that you only pretend to be old. You're just twenty-seven, Logan told me.”

She shifted again, moaned in annoyance, and tried to grab the damn thing that was unfortunately in Wade's pocket – inaccessible.

“What the fuck is that thing?” she asked, pressing an index finger on Wade's thigh right next to the bulge that was annoying her.

“That's my phone.” he replied, biting at his lip, his voice slightly rougher than usual. “And stop touching me there please, it just proves how much of a kid you are.”

“You think?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and stopping her probing to bring her glass to her lips. “If you think I don't know the effect I have on you then you're deaaaaaaad wrong! I can feel you through your jeans babeh!”

“Stop it.”

“What? You don't like the nickname? You were the first to call me baby tho.”

She pouted, just because she could and it made Wade look down at her mouth every time she did.

“I meant you gotta stop doing this… trying to turn me on.”

“Oh come onnnn! You're the one being super hot and shit.” she replied, reaching with her left hand to touch the gray beanie he was wearing. “You're gonna be so fucking hot and irresistible while I'm gone and your hair is gonna grow and you'll have stubble and all.”

He tried to not smirk but failed and she giggled, bringing her left hand to the back of his head so she could gently caress his nape with the tip of her fingers.

“Seriously,” she said, biting down on her lip but still smiling, “you're the tempter here.”

She shifted again, this time on purpose and looking him directly in the eyes, and he groaned and grabbed her by the hips.

“Stop.” he said, serious. “You really don't wanna go there.”

“Do I?”

Licking at her suddenly dry lips, she finished her glass in one long gulp and let it fall on the carpet before her right hand joined the other on Wade's nape, her thumbs caressing his jawline.

Instead of a frown or major freak-out like she expected, Wade actually understood what she wanted to do before she could say anything and helped her by holding her up by the hips while she rearranged her legs so she was sitting on his knees, straddling him.

“Are you finally letting me seduce you?” she asked.

“This is very wrong and I'm going to regret it but maybe… just for tonight.”

His hands left her hips when he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flat against his chest to hug her. She pressed her face against his neck, breathing in his scent, and relaxed into his hold, going completely slack.

“I'm very drunk and I am going to regret telling you that...” she mumbled, lips brushing against his collarbone.

“Then don't.” he cut her.

“But I feel like I need to tell you before I leave for god knows how long.”

“No need, I already know what you want to say.”

She pushed away from him to meet his eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” he replied and right there, in his serious blue eyes, she saw that he knew exactly what she wanted to tell him

“Oh… do you think that you'd ever feel like telling me the same thing?”

“Please...” he smiled sadly at her and pushed her back against him. “Don't do this.”

Closing her eyes, Hilly sighed and snuggled up to him.

“I really do love you tho. Like, for real.” said her drunk mouth.

She did not feel Wade tense nor hold her tighter, too lost in his scent and warmth.

“And I've seen your ex-wife who is incredibly beautiful and all, but please, don't forget me just because I can't annoy you anymore, alright. You're my friend.”

“Weirdly enough you're my friend too, you don't have to worry.” he replied, lips brushing against her ear. “I actually care about you.”

“Good, cause I do too and if you ignore my texts and calls I swear I will find a way to kill you.”

Sitting back on his knees so she could look at him, she cupped his face between her hands and smiled.

“Can I kiss you?” she asked.

“No.” he immediately replied, looking almost annoyed.

“Come on, I swear I won't kiss your mouth! Like last time when I kissed your cheek!”

She pouted and he sighed.

“It's just because you're leaving and I'm way too nice.”

“Yay!”

It took her a second to decide where to kiss him – she had actually never kissed anyone on the mouth, ever, so she was kind of glad he didn't want that – and once she was sure, she took her time bringing her face closer to his, watching as his eyes fluttered close and as he almost leaned toward her.

Her lips gently touched his chin in an innocent and short kiss, and as she leaned back, she jumped in surprise when Wade grabbed her face between his large palms, the blue of his eyes almost gone because of his blown pupils.

He brought her face closer to his, very slowly, as if letting her time to get away if she wanted and by the time they were nose to nose, Hilly was breathing hard and her heart was furiously drumming against her breastbone.

_Yes please, kiss me, I know you want it as much as me._

Her hands were still on his cheeks and she cradled him closer. She wanted _him_ to close the distance between them, not the other way around, and judging from the way her was looking at her lips, she _knew_ that he wanted to kiss her as much as she wanted him to.

Music started playing in the living-room – like a reminder that they weren't the only ones here, even if they had forgotten about the others – and Wade finally moved, not going for her lips at all but kissing her forehead instead.

It still made her whole body shiver and she closed her eyes, feeling warm and happy.

 

 

***

 

 

Despite her concerns, Hilly still remembered everything that had happened the night before and she stepped out of Erik's soccer-mom van with a bittersweet smile on the lips, carrying Jean as Hank took her suitcase from her and rolled it to the airport' entrance.

Erik was wheeling Charles to her right as Peter walked with her, holding her left hand, and she almost snorted – they looked like they were going to war or something.

Wade was hanging back. He had been weirdly quiet all morning and Erik and Charles being here probably did not help – between Erik silently staring at him like he was reading into his soul and Charles smiling sweetly but asking him about basically his whole life, she couldn't blame him.

She looked over her shoulder and met his eyes so she sent him a small smile that seemed to help him relax just a little.

“Nice job on the boyfriend.” whispered Charles, having not missed her smile.

He punctuated his sentence with a wink that made Erik grin and Peter choke on a laugh, and Hilly was stuck by the realization of how much she was going to miss them all.

They got into the airport without a word – which was a feat in itself considering that there were six teenagers and a baby in their group. The silence got heavier as they neared the moment they would have to part and Peter squeezed her hand in his a little harder.

“So, this is it.” she sighed, letting go of Peter's hand.

Sean threw himself into her arms before she could process any thought and she automatically wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“You better call and not leave me alone with Alex.” he said, voice muffled against her shoulder.

“Don't worry, I wouldn't forgive myself if I did.” she replied, running her fingers through his too long hair as Charles wheeled to her and took Jean from her.

Alex immediately hugged her now free right side and she wrapped her other arm around him.

“I was just starting to like you.” he said.

“And I was just starting to not be so annoyed by you.” she replied, making him snort.

She closed her eyes as the two of them squeezed her one more time before letting go to let Raven hug her.

“My best girl friend!” laughed Hilly when she wrapped her arms around Raven.

“I hope so, I'm like the only girl you know!”

“I'm gonna miss you.”

“I'm gonna miss dying your hair.”

“Promise when I go back they'll be long again.”

“Beware, I won't forget that.”

Raven took a step back and they exchanged a smile before Hilly stepped up to Hank, who looked awkward.

“Sorry I couldn't be a better teacher.” he said.

Hilly smiled and grabbed him, hugging him close. It took Hank a moment before he finally relaxed and bent down a little to put his chin on her shoulder and his arms around her.

“I think it's more science's fault than yours.”

“Just remember that if you need help with you homework you can always call me.”

“I will.”

As soon as she wasn't hugging Hank anymore, Charles was pushing her into his arms, squeezing the life out of her. He said nothing, and neither did she as she hugged him back, and Erik had to actually break them apart.

“Come on Charles,” he said, “we talked about it, she's not leaving forever.”

Charles made a grimace that almost looked like a pout, making Hilly chuckle to cover the fact that she was holding back tears. It was hard to leave them and Charles had made sure everyday that she knew they all cared about her two weeks prior that day.

He and Erik were the closest thing she had to real parents and her heart tightened at that thought.

“Look, you're gonna make her cry.” added Erik, pursing his lips as he put both his hands on Hilly's shoulders, his eyes meeting hers.

“Take care of him.” she murmured. He nodded.

“Take care of yourself.” he replied. She nodded and got to her toes to kiss his cheeks, something she had never done before.

She turned to Peter then, pretending that she didn't see the look on Erik's face.

Her twin was just looking at her, hands in his pockets, his eyes enough to tell Hilly everything she wanted to know. They stared at each other for almost a minute, something strange but completely familiar passing between them, making her feel warm and like she belonged, like the first time they had met, and she knew that as long as Peter was okay and in New York, she'd work as hard as she could to be okay too and come back.

“See you later?” finally said Peter, making her smile.

“Yeah, later. And do me a favor, ask Johnny out.”

“You know I won't do it.”

“You know I'll force you.”

He beamed at her and reached with his right hand. She took it, squeezing his fingers between hers once before letting go and turning to Wade.

He was standing outside the circle they all formed around her and she clearly saw Charles gesture for everyone to take a few steps back and let them alone as she walked to him.

“I'm glad you came to say goodbye.” she said once she was standing in front of him, having to look up to meet his eyes.

As usual he was wearing his red baseball cap with a red jacket and was doing his best bored face. She knew that look by heart, it was the one he used to make every time she visited him at the hospital to pretend that he was annoyed by her. It was a lie, they both knew it, and the night before was another proof that he cared about her – maybe not as much as she cared about him, but enough.

“I didn't have a choice, you dragged me to the car.” he grumbled.

She smiled tiredly.

She was used to this game they played – Wade pretending to not like her and Hilly pretending to have a stupid school-girl crush on him – but this day, she was fed up with it. It was the last time they saw each other until at least Christmas and she wanted them to be honest for once.

“Seriously. I'm gonna miss you, _a lot_.” she admitted, hoping that she conveyed with her eyes how much that statement was true.

Wade's face softened and his shoulders slumped.

“I'm gonna miss you too, so please leave before I do something I'm going to regret.”

Hilly smiled ruefully.

“I meant what I said last night, you know.” she told him.

He cupped her left cheek in his big palm instead of replying, his thumb ghosting over her cheekbone for just a second before taking his hand away, making her shudder.

When she turned around to take her big suitcase and kiss Jean goodbye, she was smiling and she left them with the certainty that they would be waiting for her to come back. She only looked back once, to glance one last time at her big, odd family waving at her.

 

It was crazy to think about how much she had come to love them.

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations if you read that monster till the end, I still don't know if I can actually call it a oneshot because it is just WAYY TOO LONG. I word-vomitted that in between exams during finals week so please tell me if there are mistakes and thanks for reading ;)


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